By The Way…

Gotcha.

Go ahead and hit yourself in the arm for me.  Suckaaa!!

Celebrating the Glorious Revolution from England

About half of our guys small group – along with wives/girlfriends, gathered together on July 3rd to celebrate the Glorious Revolution from England with hot dogs, chips, beans, beer, rum, paint-by-water gun fights, master pyrotechnics provided by Chris the Exploder, and the general defilement of the British flag.  Here is a small taste of the celebration:

For more of the fun, more of the defilement, and more of the general joy we experienced at the memory of our forefathers battling it out with the Queen’s men over 200 years ago, you can check out even more pictures by going to this Picture Trail album link:

http://www.picturetrail.com/sfx/album/slideshow/22256996

bruno vs eminem

Have you seen this yet??

one of the funniest ever

This past weekend’s episode of Saturday Night Live was one of the funniest I’ve ever watched from beginning to end.  It feels weird to say this, but Justin Timberlake is the man.

Didn’t catch it?  Then you absolutely HAVE to watch this sketch:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72446/saturday-night-live-immigrant-tale

Followed by this digital short:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover

Seriously.  You have to.  Ridiculous.

And watch them in that order.  Makes it even funnier.

it’s just me

For the last 11 years, I’ve been convinced that no one could ever be as good as Michael Jordan.  Kobe, to me, simply does not compare.  Michael was much more explosive off the dribble and more ruthless than Kobe.  Not DWade.  He needs to be a couple of inches taller to be able to do more damage, post guys up, etc.  Never Vince Carter.  Total softy.  But now, for the first time, I’m starting to wonder.  I don’t get to watch a lot of the NBA, but everytime I’ve seen Lebron James this year – especially thus far in the playoffs – it’s been nothing short of amazing.  He could end up being the best ever.

Top – Friday face.  Bottom – Monday face.

(Preface – I love teachers.  Teachers are awesome.)

I should have been a teacher.  I can’t think of any other job in America where you get roughly 10 – 12 weeks of vacation per year, plus sick leave days.  According to the handbook, I think I can work my way up to 4 weeks of vacation once I’m at my current job for like 22 years.

The most damning sign that I’m getting old – I now really like using Old Spice after I shave.  Stuff smells awesome.

One nice thing about owning a bottom-of-the-line Hyundai Accent.  You never have to worry about locking the doors.  I mean, seriously, who wants to steal a Hyundai Accent?

first ever suprise party

You expect a surprise birthday party when your 40, maybe 50.  That’s why getting a surprise birthday party at 33 is that much more suprising….because it’s such a boring age!  I was truly honored and thrilled to be welcomed by many of my closest friends last Friday night for such a party.  Erin worked so hard for many weeks to get this ready, going to great lengths to secretly get me out of a work trip, since I was actually supposed to be out of town last weekend.   Scott & Leigh were great hosts, and I’m so thankful to those who came.

It was a blast.  “The Office” was the overall theme of the party…there were Dunder Mifflin memos posted on the wall, dozens of hilarious quotes from show all over the house, The Office board game (which, without going into too much detail, basically evolved into a group game of “that’s what she said” jokes….i laughed so hard my whole body was hurting), and more.  We also had some great Mexican food and drinks!

I drank two very large pina coladas in a short time frame, which made me more sick than inebriated – which really blew, because inebriated was the goal.  But I guess that’s what happens when you drink more in one hour that you have in the last 6 months.  I also swatted a pinata from a tree for the first time in my life.  Very fun.  No “funniest home video” getting-racked-in-the-nads moment though.  Still fun.

i say again, no one is blogging

When I wrote several days ago that blogging is becoming obsolete, I had thoughts as to whether or not I had jumped the gun, reacted too quickly.

I’m not so sure now.  Example – in my blogroll to the left there are 14 different people/blogs listed, those friends of mine whose blogs I make sure to read the most regularly.  In the last 7 days, among those 14 blogs, there are a grand total of 7 posts.  That’s 1/2 post per blog over the last 7 days.  And a few of you have not posted in 2 weeks or more.

I know who you are.  You’re smart, well versed, funny, insightful people.  You have more important things to share than what can fit in 1/2 of a post over a 7 day period.  Some of you have many multiples of Facebook updates/comments over that same time period.  I know.  Big Brother is watching.

No man is an island.  I will not blog alone.  I put my heart on the line at least 2-3 times a week, and I have nothing to read in return.  I’m looking for friends, both men and women, who will stand up, open their minds, pour out their hearts, make fun of others and themselves, show ridiculous You Tube videos, and generally entertain me during my breaks at work.

Will you be that person?  Do you have what it takes?  In the totally irrelevant words of William Wallace……..

FREEEEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Completely Useless Talent #1

I have the ability to cross only one eye at a time.

Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not completely useless.   Back in my church camp days, when I used to wear glasses more than contacts, I used to convince elementary, jr high, and sr high campers that I wore glasses NOT because of poor vision, but because I had a cross-eyed disease.  I would tell them my glasses has a special corrective lens that helped to keep my “crooked eye” straightened out.

Then…I would demonstrate.  (this was always so funny)  As I would take my glasses off, I would cross my eye.  Then, putting the glasses back on, I would uncross my eye.  I could do it over and over.  What a riot!!  It never failed to work.

I love a good practical joke

I’ve always been a big fan of good practical jokes….especially ones that take some time, planning, good execution.  I’ve practical joked many co-workers and friends over the years.

About 3 weeks ago, my small group met at I-HOP on Thursday night.  It was 9 guys around a huge table, stuffing ourselves with all you can eat pancakes.  My friend Chris, after having eaten sausage, eggs, hashbrowns, and about 6 pancakes, decides to try and go for the local IHOP record of eating 23 pancakes.  Big mistake.

About 13 pancakes in, he starts feeling pretty bad.  This may not be entirely accurate in who-said-what, but I think my friend Reid said something like, “if anyone sees my friend dying out in the parking lot, please help him out.”  Then, I think Chris responded with, “yeah, just treat me like a pregnant woman.”  Raucus laughter ensued.  Josh then suggested that we should make a t-shirt out of that phrase, which encouraged even more riotous laughter.

A week later….these shirts were produced:

Just in case you can’t see…the front says “If Anything Should Happen to Me…”  and the back says, “Just Treat Me Like a Pregnant Woman.”

Here’s the joke…in addition to producing one for each small group member, I made an extra one for our lead pastor at Crossings, Mark Nelson.  Last week, I sent him his shirt.  It was folded up, placed in a white shipping bag, and sent to the Crossings office via UPS.  On the return label, I had it say “Pregnant Ministries, 4500 Half Baked Lane, Knoxville, TN, 37920“.  That’s it.  No note, no packing slip.  Just a shirt inside a bag from “Pregnant Ministries.” 

The day that he receives the shirt, I emailed his wife – Monica – to let her in on the joke.  She emails me back and says Mark is going crazy, Googling the address, the words on the shirt, Pregnant Ministries, trying to figure out where this came from.  He took to other offices in the building to see if anyone had heard of it before.  Bill – who also knew about it – suggested to Mark that is sort of sounded like a threatening message! 

Fast forward 3 days to this past Saturday at our monthly leadership community gathering.  Scott Wilson (small group leader) and I are wearing our Pregnant Women tees underneath our jackets.  A few minutes into the meeting, while we’re sharing “wins” in the community, I took the opportunity to talk about how awesome our guys small group is (which is totally true), how well we get along, we hang out, go to movies…and then briefly shared the funny story about Chris trying to eat 23 pancakes.  I then said…

“During that moment, when Chris felt like crap, something was said aloud that was SO funny, we decided to make t-shirts to commemorate the occasion.”

Scott and I stood up, took off our jackets, and amidst the laugher in the community, watched for Mark’s reaction.  It was just as I had hoped!  Laughter, shock, laughter, shaking of the head…he then proceeded to briefly tell everyone the story of receiving the t-shirt that week. 

Anyways, it was great.  Thanks to my incredible small group for creating such a classically funny moment at IHOP, and thanks to Mark for being such a great sport on Saturday morning.  And it looks like I may have 2 extra Pregnant Woman tees available – one in medium and one in large.  If you’re interested, let me know!

No, I really do like doo-rags

Seriously.  I have for a long time.  My enjoyment of doo-rags started way back in August of 1990, at the age of 14.  During my first ever missions trip, to Barbados, one of the team members in our group was named Brian.  He was probably 17 or so.  And he wore a doo-rag pretty much every day of the 2 week trip.  I thought it was so cool.  He was a very doo-raggish guy…very laid back, sort of a surfer attitude, easy going.  He had a big mop of hair too, and he wore the doo-rag in the “open” style in the back, where the tail kind of flopped around and his hair flew out of the back…sort of Aunt Jemima style, I would call it.

I’ve never had long enough hair to really make that style work for me, so I’ve always tucked my doo-rags in in the back, so it has a slightly more “skull cap” look, which works for me considering I’m a rap trendster and wanna be gangsta.

I really started my doo-rag craze back in 1994, and sported the look often over the next 3-4 years.  In fact, pictured below are two Camp Calvary photos, the first from 1994 and the second from 1995.  During those two summers I worked as a faculty member at 10 total weeks of camp.  I was always the do-anything guy…lead worship, lead recreation, speak, dorm dad, whatever.  And during all of those camp weeks, I was doo-rag-a-licious.

Just so you’ll know it’s me…here’s a closer look at these two pics.  Notice also that in both pictures, I’m also sporting fashionable “Christian” t-shirts, which I also was big-time into during that period.  From 1994-1997, I probably owned about 20 different Christian t-shirts.

Yes, I understand that – for whatever idiotic reasons – doo-rags are no longer as in style as they once were.  It’s upsetting.  Still, even in my older age, I like to find opportunities to wrap my head in an awesome, comfortable, sexy square of itchy cotton.  Makes me feel younger, cooler, hipper.  In fact, a doo-rag donned my dome back in May of 2008, for one of the first of many Crossings BVD pictures:

In closing, doo-rags are awesome.  You suck if you don’t agree.  And if you decide to wear one…please know that it automatically makes you the hottest, smartest, most Matthew-McConaughey-est person within a 1 mile radius.  Period.

vacation

Funniest Show on TV

(note – you can add additional answers)

Wuz Up Big J-Baby?

The other night while playing darts with my Monday night small group at Spicy’s, my friend Daniel referred to me as “J-Riz”.  He normally calls me “J-Rock”, so it caught me off guard, and got me to thinking about all the “J-” names I’ve been called over the years. 

The one that probably stuck for the longest was “J-Baby”.  In January 1995, me, Brian, and John were driving across Missouri on our way to Joplin for the National Youth Leaders Conference.  Brian had gone by the nickname “Boog” for quite a while (because of a MLB baseball player named Boog Powell…they shared the same last name), and we were actually talking about nicknames in general…how do they come about, why do some stick and some don’t.

Literally, while we’re having this conversation in the car, driving through Missouri, a car passes us on the interstate.  It has a vanity plate on the back.  The plate reads J-BABY.  And immediately, my first nickname was born.  John passed away from a heart condition back in 2000 (another story for another day), but Boog and a couple of other college friends still call me that to this day. 

With that in mind, I thought I’d try and list all the “J” names I’ve been referred to over the years. 

J-Baby
Jaybo
J-Rock
J-Riz
J-Rizzle
Jake-a-roo (my papaw called me this for a long time)
J-Money
J-Mack
J-Man
J (just J)
Big J
J-Fresh
J-Dog

J-Baby definitely was the most popular of these, although I probably haved liked Jaybo the best.  I’m also open to J-Pimp, J-Ride, J-Homey, and J-Smack.

Self Explanatory

Unexplainable

One of the funniest SNL sketches ever

Anybody catch this one yet?  It’s from this past weekend.  Absolutely, no doubt, one of my top 5 funniest SNL moments ever.  I’ve watched it about 6 times and can’t get enough.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/update-palin-rap/773781/

if that link doesn’t work (it’s the nbc.com link)….then try this one…

http://www.dailystab.com/sarah-palin-rap-video-on-snl/

Still not sure what’s up, but wordpress is not cooperating when i try to embed video links.  It’s making me angry.

permanent

Is It Sarah or Tina?

One was born on May 18, 1970 with the given middle name Samatina.  The other was born on February 11, 1964 with the given middle name Louise.  Which is A and which is B?

One has a 17 year old daughter who’s 5 months pregnant.  The other portrayed an infertile mother and hired a baby mama to have a child for her.  Which is A and which is B?

One was born in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania and graduated from the Universita of Virginia.  The other was born in Sandpoint, Idaho and attended Hawaii Pacific College before transferring and graduating from the University of Idaho.  Which is A and which is B?

One hosted a weekend news show entitled “Weekend Update”.  The other majored in communications-journalism and worked briefly as a sports reporter.  Which A and which is B?

One is kind of attractive in a cute sort of way.  The other is sort of cute in an attractive kind of way.  Which is A and which is B?

One is both the youngest and the first woman governor in her state’s history.  The other was the first female head writer in the history of a major comedy show.  Which is A and which is B?

One was recently announced as the “sexiest woman in the world” by readers of the lesbian/bisexual website AfterEllen.com….consequently, she is happily married to a man and is not a lesbian.  The other has sons named Track and Trig….consequently, neither enjoy running track or calculating trigonometry.  Which is A and which is B?

More Questions

Where have all the cowboys gone?

For you betters out there … I give the over/under on the number of seasons before American Idol finally fizzles out at 4.5 season.  Where do you put your money? 

Who is this? 

 

 

When a comedian or performer has an awesome show, someone might tell him, “man, you killed it out there tonight!”  Doesn’t that sound extremely odd and anti-funny?  I mean, if an assassin successfully guns a man down, does a cohort tell him, “dude, you had them laughing so hard out there!” ?? No, because that makes no sense.  Why do we say so many things that make no sense?

Did you know you can occasionally catch re-runs of ALF weeknights on WGN?

Which would you choose?  $1,000,000 in a wire transfer.  Or $3,000,000 in pennies truckloaded to your home and dumped in your yard?

Scrubs might be my all-time-favorite-tv-show-that-I-almost-never-watched.  What’s yours?

Whoooo let the dogs out!?  Woof, woof, woof!

Isn’t the mere fact that the period of time from a presidential election in November to the time the new president actually takes office in January is referred to as the ”LAME DUCK” period enough to persuade Congress to possibly revise that procedure?

2 Reasons It’s Fun to Wear a Swim Mask

Balls Tee

About one month ago, during a Crossings series called “My Most Important Questions”, several of the people in our community gave 10-12 minute talks about their own most important question.  Trevor, a good friend, a member of my small group, and a Crossings summer intern, also spoke about his own question.  During his message, he spoke briefly about how a boss that he works for (not his Crossings boss), doesn’t believe that a person can truly be depressed, and would sometimes say to Trevor, “Man up, dude, grow some balls!”. 

Well, Trevor shared that pretty much verbatim from the stage.  After a moment of hushed laughter from the crowd, he realized his choice of words and turned it into a comedic opportunity, saying sometimes he feels guilty about things, for instance, the “fact that I just said the word balls in church.”  It was a moment of riotous laughter from the community. 

The next week, we did an opening called “The Seven Words We Never Say At Crossings.”  Mark led this, and the words included things like “sermon”, “skit”, “ushers”, “foyer”, “membership” …. then, for the last word, Mark gave the microphone to Trevor, who said…”Balls.  Never, ever say balls in chuch.”  Again, riotous laughter ensued. 

So, I decided to use the opportunity to deepen community and rib Trevor just a little bit more.  About 2 weeks ago, I emailed several people at Crossings, especially those who are normally there early every Sunday morning for set up time.  I had an idea for a shirt, and enough people got on board to make it happen.  I produced about 30 t-shirts.  Luckily, Trevor and his fiance Rachel were gone last Sunday, which provided the opportunity to distribute the shrits.  Then, yesterday morning, without Trevor knowing anything about it, about 15-20 people show up for church that morning wearing this shirt….

It was great.  Trevor was a great sport, and he and Rachel both received their own tees for keeps.  What was really great, however, was when a few of us went to lunch at Chili’s after church.  Me, Erin, and Trevor were all wearing our “balls tees” and every one we walked past stared at the shirt.  It kind of felt like being on a mission trip when your entire group is wearing neon yellow shirts.  I think Bill had worn his shirt somewhere early yesterday morning before church and somebody said, “I don’t know who Trevor his, but I agree.” 

I also agree.  But I must say it was one of the funniest moments I’ve ever experienced in church, ever.  It was great to see a geniunely good guy let his guard down, speak openly about his questions, say something a little racy for church, and then handle it so well.  And at least he didn’t say the word “hymnal”. 

this dude is so stinking funny

Who Doesn’t Love a Friendly Game Of …

Movie Ratings – Part V

The Savages.  Can you believe that a guy as odd looking as Phillip Seymour Hoffman is such an amazing actor and has played a wide variety of roles in MANY great movies?  He’s great.  Laura Linney is great.  The story is great.  The acting is great.  God is great.  Cocoa Pebbles cereal is great.  My Rating:  Watch the movie.  But do it while eating Cocoa Pebbles and thinking about God.  It will make it even better.

I Am Legend.  You know, I sort of avoided seeing this movie.  Mentally, I sort of put it in the Men-in-Black-Part 2-I-Robot sort of Will Smith going overboard with the whole supernatural alien movie thing.  But then I heard someone say it’s worth watching.  And I’m easily swayed.  That may not be a good thing if I ever visit Vietnam and a native encourages me to try the fried Iguana livers…but in this case, it worked out.  I liked it.  My Rating:  Give it a try.  But watch it late at night, in a dark living room, with surround sound, and a pillow to hold onto. 

Enchanted.  A curious one for me.  It’s always a little odd when a movie with sort of bad reviews and poor ratings gets an Oscar nomination for Best Actress (Amy Adams).  Do you see it because of the performance, or not see it because of the reviews?  Hmm.  Well, I’m married.  And my wife is a female.  So, yes, we saw Enchanted.  And McDreamy.  And well….  My Rating:  This movie had the possibility of being as good as Elf…but ended up being about as good as Ever After.  Which is to say I wasn’t terribly impressed.

Before the Devil Knows Your Dead.  (Déjà vu spoiler alert)  Can you believe that a guy as odd looking as Phillip Seymour Hoffman is such an amazing actor and has played a wide variety of roles in MANY great movies?  Sorry, but this wasn’t one of them.  This movie had about has much suspense and thrill as my last statement did.  My Rating:  I would have expected Tom Berringer, Eric Roberts, or C. Thomas Howell to star in this movie….but instead it had Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke.  Shame on them.  And if anyone reading is still familiar with Tom Berringer, Eric Roberts, or C. Thomas Howell, you’ve been watching way too many bad movies.

Wild Hogs.  I haven’t even finished this movie.  We stopped it last night at about 1:15.23, with probably 30 minutes left to go.  It was late.  Had to go to bed.  But saw plenty enough to give you this rating.  My Rating:  It’s bad.

Movie Ratings – Part III

As much as I liked my movie rating scale, I’ve already come to find it too limiting.  So, since this is MY blog and MY movie ratings, I’ve decided to rate the movies however I see fit.  If you don’t like it, tough.  But please keep reading anyway, because I don’t want you to leave.  That would suck. 

Kung Fu Panda.  “Skadoosh” is my new favorite word.  Did you know that Beauty & The Beast is the only animated movie EVER to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture?   Now that animated movies have their own Oscar category, that just doesn’t happen anymore.  With movies like Kung Fu Panda, Wall E, Cars, and other incredible animated movies, it’s time to change that rule.  My Rating:  Did you like Cars, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, & Monsters Inc?  Then you’ll definitely like this.

Juno.  I’ll be honest.  I liked it, but I sort of expected it to be even better.  Ellen Page was good, but I had a hard time seeing her as a 16 year old.  She looks young, but she acts SO old.  Almost like a 1990’s Natalie Portman, but even MORE adult-like, if that’s possible.  Jason Bateman was great, and the overall story was really good.  Wanna see Ellen Page in an incredible role?  Check out Hard Candy.  That one will shock you.  My Rating:  If you watch it because you noticed it was nominated for Best Picture last year, it’s about a B.  If you watch it because you love those lower budget films with a great cast, good stories, and believable characters, then it’s more like an A–. 

Fool’s Gold.  If you’ve already seen this movie, there are probably 2 reasons for it.  One, you think Matthew McConaughey is hot and will watch any movie he’s in (not a bad reason).  Two, you’re a guy and your girlfriend or wife thinks Matthew McConaughey is hot and wants to see any movie he’s in (again, not a bad reason).  My Rating:  ESPN, mowing the yard, The Neverending Story, baking a cake, Dazed and Confused, vacuuming, and Secret Admirer would all be better choices.

Funny Games.  Spoiler Alert….it’s not funny.  Not at all.  It’s mean, scary, hard to watch, weird, gruesome, odd, and kooky all rolled into one.  Problem is, it just isn’t really  that good.  And what’s up with Naomi Watts’ career?  My Rating:  If you need something different to watch, try it out.  But ultimately, you’d be better off renting The Ring, and once again be reminded at how freaking scary THAT movie was. 

Jesus Camp.  Okay (with a straight face), how you can you not wanna watch a film that features 10 year old kids speaking in tongues and rolling around on the floor in the Spirit?  I don’t know what to say about this film.  Honestly, I just don’t quite understand why it was made and released mainstream.  Was it to make fun of the Jesus Camp?  Was it to shed some kind of light on something?  Was it an honest promotion?  I don’t get it.  My Rating:  If you’re a Christian, and you’ve seen the promos, you know you wanna see it, just to see if it’s as ridiculous as it looks.  So do it.  You may not like it, but at least your curiosity will be served.

Um…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Movie Ratings – Part I

With Blockbuster Online, we see our fair share of movies at home.  And fortunately, I’ve actually been able to see a handful of movies in the theater over the past few months….partly because one of Erin’s co-workers is the sister of the CEO of Regal Cinemas.  Cha Ching.  So I thought I would share some personal movie reviews and ratings on flicks I’ve seen over the past few months.  I’ll offer minimal thoughts, so as to not ruin any plot or narrative, and then I’ll rate the movie.  After much consideration, I’ve developed my personal movie rating scale.  Here it is:

My Movie Rating Scale:

Holy Crap – It’s The Second Coming of Braveheart

It’s Sort of In Between Crash & Shawshank Redemption, With a Dash of Magnolia

On Par with Heat, Just Not Quite There Yet

Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow It Up With A Few Good Men.

It’s Definitely Watchable….It’s Just Not Braveheart, And Never Will Be

I Loved Seven.  Did You Love Seven?  This Was Okay.  But This Was No Seven.

It Could Have Been Better If Steven Seagal Was In It

Ever See The Bridges Of Madison County?  Slow, Watchable, Totally Mediocre?  Yep, It’s About Like That.

If William Wallace From Braveheart Belched, This Movie Would Come Out

It Only Wishes it Could Be a Preview on the Braveheart DVD

Could Be a Cult Hit – If You’re a Member of the I-Love-Movies-That-Suck Cult

Remember Ace Ventura?  Yeah, It’s Almost That Bad

I Would Rather Watch a 2 Hour PBS Documentary on Smog While Snacking on Seaweed

So….let the ratings begin….

The Nanny Diaries.  Life in New York City is something I’ll never comprehend.  But Laura Linney is a great actress, and Scarlett Johansson is quite easy to look at.  My rating:  It’s Definitely Watchable…It’s Just Not Braveheart, And Never Will Be.

In the Valley of Elah.  Really good cast.  Good overall story.  Very nice performance from Tommy Lee Jones, even better than his role in No Country, in my opinion.  My rating:  Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow it Up With A Few Good Men.

The Heartbreak Kid.  Can Ben Stiller actually act?  He’s talented, right?  He’s capable of being funny, isn’t he?  Didn’t he once have a bright future ahead of him?  My rating:  Remember Ace Ventura?  Yeah, It’s Almost That Bad.

Transformers.  Man, was I a big fan of the 80’s cartoon.  BIG fan.  You know what I’m not a big fan of?  Shia LeBeouf.  Major overactor.  Some cool effects, a nice emotional quality to the transformers themselves, and a total waste of Josh Duhamel’s decent acting ability.  Although it did elevate Meghan Fox to super-hottie-on-the-cover-of-every-men’s-magazine status.  My rating:  It Could Have Been Better If Steven Seagal Was In It.

Alvin & The Chipmunks.  Well.  Um.  Eli seemed to like it okay.  And I thought it was cool that Jason Lee was able to take off the mustache, wear nicer clothes, be a successful musician, and still pretty much look, sound, and act just like Earl J. Hickey.  My rating:  It Only Wishes It Could Be a Preview on the Braveheart DVD. 

And This is Your Brain on Cell Phones…

One Thing Eli Loves About Summer That I HATE…

Bugs.  Yep.  Bugs.

Is this really my kid?  He loves bugs.  He loves letting caterpillars crawl onto his hand.  He likes getting really close to the ground and watching ants.  A couple of weeks ago, Erin went to pick him up at daycare.  The kids were outside playing in the back yard playground area.  Eli’s hands were cusped together as he ran to Erin saying, “Mommy, mommy, look what I got for you.”  Erin had an idea it was probably a bug.  Maybe a caterpillar.  He opens his hands, and there are roughly 5-6 long slimy worms bunched up in his hands!  AHHH!!  GROSS!!  It freaked Erin out, as it would have for me. 

Why bugs, son?  Why bugs?  Soon he’ll be bringing frogs into our home, releasing moths into his bedroom, and housing lizards in his dresser drawers.  Not long after that he’ll begin disecting them.  Studying their organs.  Analyzing their bone structure.  Going to college and learning their domain, kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, and species (impressive, huh?).  We’ll visit his dorm and find beetle colonies under the bed.  He’ll start using words like bugaboo, bugger, debugged, humbug, buggy, and bugle.  He’ll wear ecologically friendly praying mantis colored t-shirts.  He’ll invite us over for dinner and offer us a wide selection of cholocate covered junebugs, fricaseed slugs, and grasshopper soup. 

And because I’m his dad, I’ll love every minute of it. 

The Dancing Skeleton

Seriously (in my best Seinfeld voice), what’s the deal with the dancing skeletons?  And it’s not just skeletons.  I’ve also seen dancing blonde women, dancing brunette women, dancing men, and dancing ghost-like figures.  They’ve popped onto my screen on the Weather Channel, my car insurance website, and other places.  And they almost always seem to be dancing for joy at the new low interest rates offered by national banks.  Is a low interest rate so incredible that it would cause a dead man to rise from the grave and do what would be considered a mix between line dancing, disco, and hip hop?  Frankly, they’re odd, and a little creepy.  And they do not draw my attention to the website or advertisement, only to the freaky dancing thing. 

I’m trying to think what might have inspired this pop-up-spam-banner advertisement craze, and I can only reach one conclusion.  The infamous dancing baby.  (remember Ali McBeal?) Just in case you’ve forgotten….