Gotcha.

Go ahead and hit yourself in the arm for me.  Suckaaa!!

About half of our guys small group – along with wives/girlfriends, gathered together on July 3rd to celebrate the Glorious Revolution from England with hot dogs, chips, beans, beer, rum, paint-by-water gun fights, master pyrotechnics provided by Chris the Exploder, and the general defilement of the British flag.  Here is a small taste of the celebration:

For more of the fun, more of the defilement, and more of the general joy we experienced at the memory of our forefathers battling it out with the Queen’s men over 200 years ago, you can check out even more pictures by going to this Picture Trail album link:

http://www.picturetrail.com/sfx/album/slideshow/22256996

Have you seen this yet??

This past weekend’s episode of Saturday Night Live was one of the funniest I’ve ever watched from beginning to end.  It feels weird to say this, but Justin Timberlake is the man.

Didn’t catch it?  Then you absolutely HAVE to watch this sketch:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72446/saturday-night-live-immigrant-tale

Followed by this digital short:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover

Seriously.  You have to.  Ridiculous.

And watch them in that order.  Makes it even funnier.

For the last 11 years, I’ve been convinced that no one could ever be as good as Michael Jordan.  Kobe, to me, simply does not compare.  Michael was much more explosive off the dribble and more ruthless than Kobe.  Not DWade.  He needs to be a couple of inches taller to be able to do more damage, post guys up, etc.  Never Vince Carter.  Total softy.  But now, for the first time, I’m starting to wonder.  I don’t get to watch a lot of the NBA, but everytime I’ve seen Lebron James this year – especially thus far in the playoffs – it’s been nothing short of amazing.  He could end up being the best ever.

Top – Friday face.  Bottom – Monday face.

(Preface – I love teachers.  Teachers are awesome.)

I should have been a teacher.  I can’t think of any other job in America where you get roughly 10 – 12 weeks of vacation per year, plus sick leave days.  According to the handbook, I think I can work my way up to 4 weeks of vacation once I’m at my current job for like 22 years.

The most damning sign that I’m getting old – I now really like using Old Spice after I shave.  Stuff smells awesome.

One nice thing about owning a bottom-of-the-line Hyundai Accent.  You never have to worry about locking the doors.  I mean, seriously, who wants to steal a Hyundai Accent?

You expect a surprise birthday party when your 40, maybe 50.  That’s why getting a surprise birthday party at 33 is that much more suprising….because it’s such a boring age!  I was truly honored and thrilled to be welcomed by many of my closest friends last Friday night for such a party.  Erin worked so hard for many weeks to get this ready, going to great lengths to secretly get me out of a work trip, since I was actually supposed to be out of town last weekend.   Scott & Leigh were great hosts, and I’m so thankful to those who came.

It was a blast.  “The Office” was the overall theme of the party…there were Dunder Mifflin memos posted on the wall, dozens of hilarious quotes from show all over the house, The Office board game (which, without going into too much detail, basically evolved into a group game of “that’s what she said” jokes….i laughed so hard my whole body was hurting), and more.  We also had some great Mexican food and drinks!

I drank two very large pina coladas in a short time frame, which made me more sick than inebriated – which really blew, because inebriated was the goal.  But I guess that’s what happens when you drink more in one hour that you have in the last 6 months.  I also swatted a pinata from a tree for the first time in my life.  Very fun.  No “funniest home video” getting-racked-in-the-nads moment though.  Still fun.

When I wrote several days ago that blogging is becoming obsolete, I had thoughts as to whether or not I had jumped the gun, reacted too quickly.

I’m not so sure now.  Example – in my blogroll to the left there are 14 different people/blogs listed, those friends of mine whose blogs I make sure to read the most regularly.  In the last 7 days, among those 14 blogs, there are a grand total of 7 posts.  That’s 1/2 post per blog over the last 7 days.  And a few of you have not posted in 2 weeks or more.

I know who you are.  You’re smart, well versed, funny, insightful people.  You have more important things to share than what can fit in 1/2 of a post over a 7 day period.  Some of you have many multiples of Facebook updates/comments over that same time period.  I know.  Big Brother is watching.

No man is an island.  I will not blog alone.  I put my heart on the line at least 2-3 times a week, and I have nothing to read in return.  I’m looking for friends, both men and women, who will stand up, open their minds, pour out their hearts, make fun of others and themselves, show ridiculous You Tube videos, and generally entertain me during my breaks at work.

Will you be that person?  Do you have what it takes?  In the totally irrelevant words of William Wallace……..

FREEEEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have the ability to cross only one eye at a time.

Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not completely useless.   Back in my church camp days, when I used to wear glasses more than contacts, I used to convince elementary, jr high, and sr high campers that I wore glasses NOT because of poor vision, but because I had a cross-eyed disease.  I would tell them my glasses has a special corrective lens that helped to keep my “crooked eye” straightened out.

Then…I would demonstrate.  (this was always so funny)  As I would take my glasses off, I would cross my eye.  Then, putting the glasses back on, I would uncross my eye.  I could do it over and over.  What a riot!!  It never failed to work.

I’ve always been a big fan of good practical jokes….especially ones that take some time, planning, good execution.  I’ve practical joked many co-workers and friends over the years.

About 3 weeks ago, my small group met at I-HOP on Thursday night.  It was 9 guys around a huge table, stuffing ourselves with all you can eat pancakes.  My friend Chris, after having eaten sausage, eggs, hashbrowns, and about 6 pancakes, decides to try and go for the local IHOP record of eating 23 pancakes.  Big mistake.

About 13 pancakes in, he starts feeling pretty bad.  This may not be entirely accurate in who-said-what, but I think my friend Reid said something like, “if anyone sees my friend dying out in the parking lot, please help him out.”  Then, I think Chris responded with, “yeah, just treat me like a pregnant woman.”  Raucus laughter ensued.  Josh then suggested that we should make a t-shirt out of that phrase, which encouraged even more riotous laughter.

A week later….these shirts were produced:

Just in case you can’t see…the front says “If Anything Should Happen to Me…”  and the back says, “Just Treat Me Like a Pregnant Woman.”

Here’s the joke…in addition to producing one for each small group member, I made an extra one for our lead pastor at Crossings, Mark Nelson.  Last week, I sent him his shirt.  It was folded up, placed in a white shipping bag, and sent to the Crossings office via UPS.  On the return label, I had it say “Pregnant Ministries, 4500 Half Baked Lane, Knoxville, TN, 37920“.  That’s it.  No note, no packing slip.  Just a shirt inside a bag from “Pregnant Ministries.” 

The day that he receives the shirt, I emailed his wife – Monica – to let her in on the joke.  She emails me back and says Mark is going crazy, Googling the address, the words on the shirt, Pregnant Ministries, trying to figure out where this came from.  He took to other offices in the building to see if anyone had heard of it before.  Bill – who also knew about it – suggested to Mark that is sort of sounded like a threatening message! 

Fast forward 3 days to this past Saturday at our monthly leadership community gathering.  Scott Wilson (small group leader) and I are wearing our Pregnant Women tees underneath our jackets.  A few minutes into the meeting, while we’re sharing “wins” in the community, I took the opportunity to talk about how awesome our guys small group is (which is totally true), how well we get along, we hang out, go to movies…and then briefly shared the funny story about Chris trying to eat 23 pancakes.  I then said…

“During that moment, when Chris felt like crap, something was said aloud that was SO funny, we decided to make t-shirts to commemorate the occasion.”

Scott and I stood up, took off our jackets, and amidst the laugher in the community, watched for Mark’s reaction.  It was just as I had hoped!  Laughter, shock, laughter, shaking of the head…he then proceeded to briefly tell everyone the story of receiving the t-shirt that week. 

Anyways, it was great.  Thanks to my incredible small group for creating such a classically funny moment at IHOP, and thanks to Mark for being such a great sport on Saturday morning.  And it looks like I may have 2 extra Pregnant Woman tees available – one in medium and one in large.  If you’re interested, let me know!

Seriously.  I have for a long time.  My enjoyment of doo-rags started way back in August of 1990, at the age of 14.  During my first ever missions trip, to Barbados, one of the team members in our group was named Brian.  He was probably 17 or so.  And he wore a doo-rag pretty much every day of the 2 week trip.  I thought it was so cool.  He was a very doo-raggish guy…very laid back, sort of a surfer attitude, easy going.  He had a big mop of hair too, and he wore the doo-rag in the “open” style in the back, where the tail kind of flopped around and his hair flew out of the back…sort of Aunt Jemima style, I would call it.

I’ve never had long enough hair to really make that style work for me, so I’ve always tucked my doo-rags in in the back, so it has a slightly more “skull cap” look, which works for me considering I’m a rap trendster and wanna be gangsta.

I really started my doo-rag craze back in 1994, and sported the look often over the next 3-4 years.  In fact, pictured below are two Camp Calvary photos, the first from 1994 and the second from 1995.  During those two summers I worked as a faculty member at 10 total weeks of camp.  I was always the do-anything guy…lead worship, lead recreation, speak, dorm dad, whatever.  And during all of those camp weeks, I was doo-rag-a-licious.

Just so you’ll know it’s me…here’s a closer look at these two pics.  Notice also that in both pictures, I’m also sporting fashionable “Christian” t-shirts, which I also was big-time into during that period.  From 1994-1997, I probably owned about 20 different Christian t-shirts.

Yes, I understand that – for whatever idiotic reasons – doo-rags are no longer as in style as they once were.  It’s upsetting.  Still, even in my older age, I like to find opportunities to wrap my head in an awesome, comfortable, sexy square of itchy cotton.  Makes me feel younger, cooler, hipper.  In fact, a doo-rag donned my dome back in May of 2008, for one of the first of many Crossings BVD pictures:

In closing, doo-rags are awesome.  You suck if you don’t agree.  And if you decide to wear one…please know that it automatically makes you the hottest, smartest, most Matthew-McConaughey-est person within a 1 mile radius.  Period.