Crossings – A T-Shirt Community

At Crossings, we’ve already begun to jokingly refer to the fact that we love us some t-shirts.  It’s been cool on my part to be part of providing t-shirts for the community over the last 2 years.  In fact, I fully believe that t-shirts can help instill a sense of community … they commemorate moments or events, they help you feel connected.  It’s awesome showing up pretty much every Sunday morning and seeing at least a few people wearing a Crossings t-shirt of some kind.  Below is a recap of all the t-shirts we’ve produced thus far.  For each tee – the front of the shirt is on the left hand side, the back of the shirt is on the right hand side.

Here’s a brief description of each (from the top).  1 – Crossings Logo Tee – Crossings logo on the left chest with “HPFTWBTG” on the back (Helping People Find Their Way Back to God).  We’ve actually done two runs of these – some in black, some in charcoal, some in chocolate brown on a ladies cut tee.  We also printed the front logo on several hooded sweatshirts, which everone seems to have really loved.  Probably about 150 of these shirts and hoodies circulating.  2 – Crossing Baptism Tee – given to anyone who is baptized at Crossings as a commemorative shirt.  3 – The Tour of John’s Story Tee – we did about 300 of these last March at the end of a 20-something week long study of John.  They were free to anyone who wanted one.  4 – Production Tee – we gave these out to all the people who had actively served and sweated during the time we were at the theater, setting up and breaking down every morning.  We asked these awesome servants to come forward at the end of a service in January at 4MS to applaud their efforts and present their shirts.  5 – Pregnant Woman Tee – this was the one I did for my small group, and as a practical joke on Mark.  I posted about this roughly a month ago.  6 – Never Thwarted Tee – Like the John tee, this shirt commemorated a 20-something week study of the book of Genesis.  We took preorders for anyone who wanted one at a very low cost.  Both this and the John shirt are “concert style”, where the back of each shirt has the date, the passage studied, and the “big idea” for that week.  Similar to a concert tour layout.  (UPDATE)  Greg reminded me that I forgot the Balls Tee – Trevor, during a testimony last summer, basically said that his boss at work would sometimes tell him to “grow some balls”.  And he said it just like that.  Then realized his faux pax, then made fun of himself and had the whole place laughing.  So I made some Balls Tees and had them there early a couple of weeks later, so when Trevor showed up, about 12-15 of us were wearing these shirts.

More Pictures & A Resolution Thought

The two awesomest people in my life:

We recently visited Cumberland Falls, off I-75 exit 25 just north of the border in Kentucky.  Notice the beautiful falls in the background….and, if you can see it, the large collection of trash beside the bolder in the middle of the photo. 

Also (with no picture needed), I’m not making resolutions this year.  I know the things I need to do to be a better person, to feel better, to be healthier, and to live out the calling of God in my life.  Writing them down specifically and then somehow not fulfilling them is a bummer, and one “goal” of mine this year is to simply be a more optimistic, positive person.  Let me just say this…I’m praying about (not for) redirection in my life.  I’m experiencing a great struggle regarding the unfulfilled calling of God in my life, and I’m just not sure what to do with it.  I’d love to just turn my face to the wind, leave everything to His providence, and spend my days serving and ministering to people in need.  But I’m also quite logical and rational (whether these are Godly traits, I have yet to discover).  I realize that I have a sort-of secure job, a paycheck, debts, a family to care for, and (still) some legal limitations on what I’m able to do.  That leaves me where I’ve been many times before….just wishing God would miraculously make everything happen the way I think it needs to for debts to be paid, histories to be wiped clean, and doors to be opened.  I have a great desire to serve the community, but do little to seek out opportunities to do so, almost scared of what God may do to my heart, and what He may ask of me.

So maybe my real resolution for this year is to learn how to open myself up completely to God’s will for my life, and trust where it leads.  Maybe it keeps me right where I’m sitting.  Maybe it turns my world upside down.  Maybe it does both…or neither.  Either way, if 2009 can include more of Him and less of me, it will ultimately be a great year.

The NEW Turn or Burn Truck – Bigger, Badder, Meaner!!

Wow, I didn’t realize life could be this great.  Gas prices continue to drop, the holidays are upon us, Crossings is only 7 weeks away from our first service at 4MS…and the Turn or Burn truck is back…except this time, it’s BIGGER, BADDER, and MEANER than ever!!!

Remember the first Turn or Burn Truck?  If not, take a minute to check it out.

It’s been a few months since the Turn or Burn truck has been seen.  Then, about a week or so ago, my friend John told me he actually saw a Turn or Burn JEEP in Knoxville.  Yes, a Jeep Wrangler.  Weird.  Wouldn’t you know it, less than a week later, I’m on my way to work on Monday morning, and I see this on the corner of Lovell Road and Lexington Drive.

You can clearly see…it’s different.  Bigger.  Meaner.  It has evolved from a 16ft to a 24ft truck.  Now, granted, the other side of the truck is blank.  Just a yellow truck.  Maybe their faith promise holy fire yest ye answer to the flames offering didn’t meet expectations.  Who knows.  But this is a monster.  Physically and spirtually.  So, for your viewing pleasure, I took close up pictures of the left, middle, and right side of the truck, so you can more clearly see the details.  You’ll be able to see where one section ends and the other begins.  Look at the gentle wording.  The calming imagery.  Let the message soak in.  And then tell me how you feel.  Here goes:

a few thoughts & struggles

The BVD Tour has been fun.  But it will probably slow down a bit for the next few weeks.  I had assumed I would be in possession of the BVD for one month, at which time it would be presented to someone else in the Crossings leadership community.  However, the June leadership meeting was cancelled, and we will not meet again until August.  This means I have the BVD for 3 months instead of 1.  And it sort of seems like the initial “boom” of the tour has faded.  I’ve gone from being the 2nd most popular blog on wordpress (for a particular few days of time) to being back to like the 2,225,875th most popular.  I still plan on keeping it with me, but I’ll be more selective as to when to bring it out.  And I still have 4-5 photos I haven’t posted yet, so I’ll make sure and offer those in the next week or so. 

On another note…I’m experiencing a time right now, and have been for a little while, where I’m having a very difficult time being content with my life.  And it encompasses many areas.  And the hardest part is knowing what to do, or even having the proper motivation to do anything about it.  For instance…

Erin & I have been on a really tight debt-reduction budget for a long time, and it seems like it will never end, and I’m having trouble being content with the amount of money we make, the place in which we live (we still rent), and the things we’re able or not able to do because of money. 

I’ve posted before about a renewed desire to serve in a greater capacity in ministry, but I wonder if it’s ever going to be possible and whether it’s something I should stop thinking about, at least for now.

I started playing my guitar again about 3 months ago, but I’ve already faded on it again, partly because I have little opportunity to play outside of my bedroom, and partly because my attempts at writing songs seem to head off into nowhere.  =/ 

I’m unhappy with my general physical condition, but have little motivation to do anything about it – jogging, walking, eating much better, developing accountability, etc. 

I have a real desire to develop deeper, stronger friendships in my life and seem to run into some mental roadblocks in that area…. (such as) I don’t have enough time to devote, the friends I have don’t have enough time, friends I’d really like to know better seem to have so many other close friends already that I feel like an intruder or an outsider, with others I wonder if our personalities would mesh well enough to become closer friends….and on and on it goes.

There’s more, but you get the idea.  I wonder if this is something others commonly deal with, or if I’m just in a unique little rut.  Either way, life goes on, right?  Any advice, encouragement, or prayers you may have to offer are certainly welcome.  I know I’ve been given a good life, certainly better than most, but I so often find myself wanting more.  And I’m not always sure whether or not that’s a good thing. 

if you could do anything …

The other night I was talking to my friend Daniel. He and his wife run The Restoration House, a ministry that provides temporary housing and support for single mothers. I asked him how, exactly, they came to start this ministry.

Basically (not in his exact words), they were in a small group meeting, and a person in the small group asked everyone, “if you could do anything in life…with no concerns about money, time, difficulty, etc…what would you do?” Daniel’s wife, Mandy, answered, “I would buy a big piece of property and provide housing for single mothers.”

Within a few weeks, guess what happened? A big piece of property, with more than one living space, very near to where they currently were living, went up for sale. They bought it. They did a bunch of renovations and put together a ministry plan. And now Mandy’s dream is being fleshed out in reality.

That’s totally amazing. And as I think about it, I’m trying to answer that question for myself. If I could do anything in life, with no worries regarding money, time, difficulty, etc…what would I do? My answer? I’m not really sure. I have ideas. But no true sense of “calling” in a specific area. It’s something I’m praying about. And once that answer becomes clear, I hope I’ll have what it takes to pursue it. Give it some thought. What would you do?

wrestling with God and ministry…

Today, I’m going to ask you who read this to pray for me in a specific way.

As of today, it’s been approximately 7 years and 7 months since I last served in full time ministry. I’ve prayed often – and more so recently – asking God if a return to full time ministry might ever be a part of my future. Given the events that necessitated my exit the first time, I’m just not sure if that’s going to be possible, at least not for a few more years. Who knows.

When I was 17, I felt a true calling from God to serve in ministry. I founded the first FCA at my high school. I went to a christian college, graduated with a degree in Bible and ministry, and was doing as my work what I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life. But, despite my eventual fallout, the way I thought of ministry and how I viewed “success” were way off base. I felt relatively “successful” in ministry at a young age because I had a lot of connections with ministry people and ministry stuff. By age 20 I was traveling each January to lead seminars at an annual youth workers convention. I won an award my senior year of college as the “top ministry student” in the graduating class. I was comfortable in front of people, leading worship or speaking. I was getting calls from ministers at other churches inviting me to come and speak to their groups or go on their retreats as a special guest.

But, really, those things were all pretty much crap. My heart wasn’t in the right place. The way I viewed helping people was wrong. I wasn’t connecting with people in my own church. I wasn’t building lasting relationships. I wasn’t serving the community and helping those in need. I wasn’t leading people to Christ by befriending them and showing them His love, but by doing things I thought was cool or fun and hoping those things were somehow reflecting Jesus to others.

Even now, I struggle with those kinds of things. I’m still concerned about numbers, and image, “being relevant” and almost dumbing Jesus down in a way that allows me to live with less discipline and conviction.

And in spite of all that, I really miss the calling of ministry. As time goes by, the work I do each day to make a living seems less and less fulfilling, and I yearn more for the opportunity to serve God again in a full time capacity. I don’t know if this will happen. If God opens a path in some way, I don’t know if it would be in the local church. Maybe it could be with a charity or other service organization. Maybe I continue the work I’m doing now and pray more for consistent opportunities to serve in the evenings and on weekends, either with my church or with other area ministries.

I’m still praying these things out. Even if God said, “Yes, go for it”, I’m not even sure where my area of desire is. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even praying these things in vain. My sin was great and is a difficult thing for most people to forgive. I understand that. I understand that I would be held highly accountable, and that in the human realm, my slate will likely never be wiped clean.

So, as I stated at the beginning, I’m asking you to pray for me. I need to wrestle with God on this and see if there’s any answers He might have, one way or another. I’m very thankful for you who read this. Feel free to comment – anonymously even – if you have any thoughts or suggestions. And may God be for the Packers and against the Patriots in the NFL playoffs. Amen.