Over the last 8 years of my life, debt has been a constant reminder of my terrible actions and stupid decisions.  The terrible actions and stupid decisions, well, I won’t get into those today.  As for the debt…

It feels much like jumping off of a sinking about about a mile from shore.  You’ve got on a life jacket, so you’re staying alive, but you’re a mediocre swimmer, and the current proves too strong.  You swim hard, kick, fight, make progress, and can see the shoreline.  The shoreline full of debt-free people who enjoy less stress, take vacations, save for the future, and drive paid-for cars.

Then you stop to catch your breath, and the current does its thing.  And 8 years later, instead of being a mile from the shoreline, you’re now .85 miles away.  Closer, but a long ways away and struggling.

I know the situation is about 97% my fault, but it’s so much easier to be mad at the system, the credit card companies, ridiculous health care premiums, and the untimeliness of certain costly events.

Dave Ramsey has been a good guide and a reasonable voice, but his methods alone can only take you so far.  Selling every unessential item you own, taking on three jobs, and never spending a dime on anything unnecessary sounds inspiring when you read it.  Until, of course, you realize every unessential item you own is probably worth about $100 total, you care more about the sanity of your family than about working three jobs, and that never spending a dime on anything leads to hermitism, social depression, and never doing anything with friends.

So you make an airtight budget that pays your bills, gives you a small weekly allowance that gives you at least some freedom to grab an occasional lunch or see a movie once a month, and then hope to God that the car doesn’t break down, that a bone doesn’t get broken, and that you’re lucky enough to keep your job.

And, then, squeezed somewhere into there, you give back to God.  You tighten the small weekly allowance, just to make it possible.  And you go through a mental battle that wages a war on whether or not that God-money is optional.  “Bought too many groceries this week?  Just take it out of the God money.”  (no, no, no)  “Donated money to a third party cause of some sort?  No problem, just take that out of the God money.”  (ahhhh, can’t do that)  “Have to buy a pair of shoes this week, because yours are 2 years old and falling apart.  You gotta do it, gotta have shoes.  Just take it out of the God money.”  (crap! stop!)

And so you swim.  And hope.  And pray.  And say thanks for forgiveness for stupid decisions.  And you give.  And work hard to accept what you have as a blessing from the Giver.  And you squint even harder, trying to see the light in the tunnel.  You dig harder, trying to see that ray of sunlight coming through the dirt.  You swim faster, seeking the joy of the shoreline.  And you enjoy family and friends.  You worship.  You trust.  You live.

Did you know…

800-FREE-411 

Program that into your cell phone.  It’s a free nationwide directory service.  I’ve already used it, and it works.  It’s all automated, and while the computer is looking up the info, you get a little to a little advertisement over the phone (which I’m assuming is how it’s paid for), but it still works.  And, in today’s economy, it sure beats getting shafted for $1.50 just to get a phone number on one of those late Saturday mornings when you’re bored and really hungry, and absolutely cannot for-the-life-of-you remember whether your favorite Chinese joint opens at 10:30am or 11:00am.

I’m having trouble understanding economics, bailouts, and the American way of life.  Actually, struggling might be a better way of putting.  I’m struggling with these concepts.  I’ve already written my thoughts on the auto bailout (against).  And I enjoyed getting our extra tax refund last year as much as anybody.  But I’m still struggling.

It seems as though Washington is hell bent on keeping The American Way of Life in tact.  I get this feeling that, unless Americans are relatively wealthy, able to freely spend money, and can all afford to buy homes that are bigger than they need, then somehow, as a nation, we are not fulfilling our historical destiny.  This ideal is starting to make me sick. 

Just 30-40 years ago, people HAD to live within their means.  Credit was an almost foreign concept.  20% down payments on cars or homes were the norm.  Buying only what you needed at the grocery to eat for that week was typical.  A 2000 square foot home was huge. 

Part of my struggle is that I’m envious of those who have money, and have little to worry about financially.  I have a nauseous desire sometimes to drive a bigger vehicle, to take great vacations twice a year, to eat out more frequently at places classier than Cracker Barrel, to see a $150.00 pair of sunglasses in the mall that would frame my mug perfectly, and just be able to get them.  These desires are also making me sick.  When I look at them in the right frame of mind, they even bring me to appreciate what I have and don’t have.  It helps to understand that there’s a reason I drive the cheapeast car Hyundai makes, a reason we still rent a small townhouse, a reason we’ve taken 1 real vacation in the last 5 years.  The main reason is because that’s what we can afford.  I made mistakes.  We made mistakes.  I struggled financially for a few years and built up a mound of credit card debt that we’re still chipping away at.  And as much as I’d like someone to come along and bail me out, I appreciate the lesson I’m learning in the struggle.

I just wish our country could appreciate the struggle a little more.  To understand that a capitalist market should not allow for bailouts.  To know that the sense of entitlement is becoming a curse.  To see The American Way of Life through lenses other than wealth and power.  And to realize the need for a change in the curve of our culture.

DeSagana Diop, a 7 foot tall NBA center, just signed a 5 year contract with the Dallas Mavericks for a total of $31,000,000.00….or 6.2 million a year.  You’re thinking…wow, that’s a LOT of money, especially for a guy I’m not even sure I’ve heard of!  Well, you’re right.  Let me break it down for you.  Diop has played 7 full NBA seasons.  Wanna know his “career” stats?  Here they are:

14.7 minutes per game … 43% field goal percentage … 52% free throw percentage … 1.2 blocks per game … 3.9 rebounds per game… 2.1 points per game.  That’s right.  For 6 million a year, the guys scores 2 points, gets 4 rebounds, plays 15 minutes, and shoots 52% from the free throw line. 

Let’s break it down further.  This season, let’s ASSUME he plays in all 82 games (he’s only averaged playing in 62 games each season over his career).  And let’s ASSUME he plays to his career averages.  With those assumptions in mind, we reach these earnings conclusions.  Diop will earn…

$75,609 per game  OR  $63,007 per blocked shot  OR  $36,004 per point scored  OR  $19,386 per rebound  OR  $5,143.52 per minute he spends on the court in a game.  Or, to put it more personally, Diop, in ONE MINUTE of action, will earn more than I do in 300 HOURS of work.  And, frankly, that pisses me off.

In the last week, the company I work for has either laid off or “let go” of nearly 20% of our work force. And we only had about 50 people total to begin with, so that’s pretty significant. In my department (6 of us), one person was let go and another is being move laterally to a different position in the company.

What does this mean for me? A lot more work. I’m basically, for the forseeable future, going to absorb another person’s full time duties on top of my own. This will likely mean coming in 30-60 minutes earlier everyday, leaving 45-60 minutes later everyday, and working during lunch most days, just to keep up. I do not know how long it will last, but it could be for a few weeks or a few months, just depends on how our sales are and if we pick up any new clients or accounts.

It may also mean less blogging, since I do almost all of my blogging during work. Since I’m not a smoker and I normally bring my lunch and eat at my desk, blogging has been a good time filler for me during those daily “break” times. We’ll see. I’ll try to keep up, it’s just hard to tell right now.

Why the lay offs? Because a pretty significant chunk of our companies sales and revenue come from companies in the marine & boating industry….and the marine and boating industry is in a really really bad financial state right now, which has directly affected us in a big way. Basically, when it now costs someone up to $200.00 in gas just to go out on their boat for the day, plus the cost of towing it with a gas guzzling truck or SUV, people just aren’t buying nearly as many boats. Pretty simple.

So my stress level is fairly high right now. It’s good that my job is safe, but I’m not looking forward to the huge loads of work ahead of me each day. It’s pretty amazing how one thing – gas prices – can have such a major affect on an entire economy. But it does. Our family gas budget is now almost $150.00 a month more than it was a year ago at this time. And it’s nearly impossible for me to ride a bike or even the bus to work, since I live 23 miles away, pretty much across the county. In fact, I’ve researched the Knox County Bus system online, and there is literally no way for me to ride the bus to work. The farthest west any bus drops off is Cedar Bluff, which is still nearly 4 miles from work. And I would have to buy a bike, get on the bus in Halls at about 6:00am, make two transfers to get to the Cedar Bluff line, get off the bus around 7:50am, then ride my bike the last 4 miles to work. Which then leaves Erin with all the responsibility of dropping off and picking up Eli everyday. It just ain’t happening.

Yesterday evening, on my way home, I stopped to fill up my car. When I was done, I had officially paid the most I’ve ever paid in my entire life for a tank of gas.

There’s a concept I’ve mentally struggled with for a long time. We talked about it in my small group last week. It’s the concept of “retirement” and “investment savings” as a Christian.

Here’s my struggle. In the New Testament church, no one really owned anything. All possessions and material needs belonged to everyone and people used stuff as it was needed most. The Bible speaks often about trusting God for provision, not worrying about tomorrow, and giving what you have to those who need it more than you.

Yet we live in a current world – Christians included – in which we earn and save mostly for ourselves…we’re taught to put away nest eggs for college savings, retirement, and those “just in case” moments (worrying about tomorrow?) when we’ll need the money.

I realize that this practice is really a result of a community shift. If ALL Christians were committed to New Testament possession principles, we could live the way they did. Even if one church body were committed to it, that church could probably live the NT way. But people don’t do this. We think it’s an awesome concept, but we don’t really trust others, ourselves, and maybe even God enough to really believe that it could work and we could still live comfortable lives.

So, do I look at retirement savings (IRA, 401K, mutual funds, savings, etc) as provisions from God – maybe that’s God’s way of providing for us. Or do I look it as a lack of trust for provision, do I consider it hoarding, and a way to plan on being totally lazy for the last 10-15 years of my life?

Should Christ followers ever truly retire? Or do we simply retire from a worldly job in order to focus our full-time efforts on ministry work? And if we do that, wouldn’t that retirement nest egg be wonderfully spent on missions, providing for the poor, helping people get back on their feet, helping new church plants…..yes, it’s important to have enough to eat and have a roof over your head and a car to drive, but isn’t that really a secondary concern to doing the work of Christ?

Help me out, here. I’m totally on the fence. Sometimes I’ll lean hard one way, then hard the other way. I want to be more committed to saving and investing and making sure my son has all he needs down the road….but I also want to commit to live more frugally, to trust more in God’s provision, to teach my son that we don’t need all the best possessions to be happy and at peace. What are your thoughts? How do you see the Bible teaching us in this area?

On my friend Mark’s blog, he’s reminded us that it’s been 10 years since the death of Rich Mullins. What a loss. This reminder has been bringing the homeless/poor community to the forefront of my mind. My wife recently – and probably for the first time ever – was compelled to help a homeless man she encountered. She bought him food from a drive-in and gave him some money. When she gave this to him, he simply yelled out something like “alright!” and took off running. She wasn’t sure what to think about his reaction.

I recently got on the interstate when leaving work, and there was about a 25 year old guy on the exit. Looked more like a cross country hitcher than actually homeless. But he was holding one of those classic cardboard signs. Except his said, in really big letters, “I’m Nice”.

Here’s what I’m eventually trying to get to with this thought. I can’t count how many times in my life I’ve thought how great it would be to live a life like Rich’s life. Very few possessions, traveling the country, commonly befriending people in bars, choosing to live at times among the poorest of people. I’d always heard that Rich never really knew how much money he truly earned. Everything he earned went straight to his home church. Then, he instructed them to pay him as a salary each year the equivalent of what the median income of a single-income wage earner was in the US….which, in the 1990’s, I remember hearing was about $25,000 yearly. He chose to live on $25,000 a year, simply so he could resist the pride, ego, and temptation that come with money. And so he could better identify with the common man.

I always thought that was incredible. For a long time, I really felt drawn toward a life of minimalism. Possibly the mission field in a poor area. Maybe working with some type of organization in poor areas of the US. The few times in my life that I’ve actually done something to truly serve the poor, it was so very gratifying.

I’m saddened of how things have changed. By how important money has become in my life…in my family’s life. How Erin and I squabble about it, sometimes needlessly, mostly because of my issues. How I sometimes feel poor simply because the people I’m around at church or at work have nicer homes or more expensive vehicles than we do. It’s so stupid and petty. Thinking about Rich’s life and what his life meant to me has really got me thinking about how lucky and truly blessed I am. But also how I’ve done little to help those less fortunate. And that must change.