This is something I share with people often.  I do it because I like to sound frugal, and because it helps me seem like a person who has his priorities straight in the world.  I also share it out of arrogance, because it somehow helps me feel better than those to whom I am sharing.  Yes, I recognize these things, yet I do it anyway.

You’re asking…What is it you share?  I’m so glad you asked, because that way it makes it much easier for me to project my false morals on you.

The statement:  In my entire life, the only time I’ve ever had cable TV was during my 4 years of college. Yep.  Truth.  33 years old, and I’ve enjoyed cable TV for only 4 years of it.

Growing up, we had the huge outdoor antenna that usually sometimes got us the big 4 or 5 stations out of Louisville, KY.  Usually.  College – cable.  Enjoyed it.  The early years of Sports Center with Dan Patrick and Keith Olberman, movie reruns on TBS and USA, getting to watch the Bulls play more than 3 times  a year.

Ever since – no cable.  At least, not REAL cable.  For several years, I simply used an amplified tv antenna that normally got 4 or 5 stations.  For about 5 years now, we’ve had the “basic cable” package, which gets us anywhere from 6 – 9 watchable stations and cost us about $15.00 a month.

** Watchable stations do not include QVC, the local Knoxville brainwashed preaching programs, or the 24 hour a day local community news feed that updates me on things like Parents Night Out at Rockwell Baptist Church and Free Gummy Bear Day at Ace Hardware Store.

Now, if we really wanted to, we could scrounge up some money and afford regular cable.  We would need to cancel our monthly Blockbuster Online account, but it would be doable.  But here’s my issue….why give myself even MORE opportunity to watch TV, when I already watch more than necessary already?

Lately, we haven’t even really watched a ton of  TV.  We always watch The Office and 30 Rock, but everything else is hit or miss.  I watch sports occasionally on Saturday or Sunday, but rarely more than a couple of hours, and I rarely if ever watch an entire game of any sport from beginning to end.

We still use Blockbuster Online, but more sparingly than in the past.  It seems as though we’ve finally watched about every movie we would ever want to see, and most new releases just don’t pique our interest as much.  We keep Blockbuster Online mainly for the TV series that are sometimes harder to find in the stores.  Just this week we finished Season 3 of Dexter (amazing!).  And it’s cool to have access to older movies online that the stores don’t stock, like Cool Hand Luke or Chinatown.  One of which I haven’t watched yet, and one of which I didn’t really like.  That doesn’t matter though.  What matters is they are available.

But again.  Why do we need more TV?  We typically only have about 2 hours of actually family time together in the evenings before it’s time for Eli to go to bed.  On the weekends we go to church, grocery shop, run errands, and try to do something fun every once in a while.  I’m older now, so I typically go to bed around 10:30 instead of midnight.

Why do we need more TV?  Most shows are set up now so that you MUST watch every week to know what’s going on.  If you miss a week, you’ve got to catch it on Hulu before it’s too late.  We have no DVR, so we can’t just set up to record everything we like.  And why would we?  So we can send Eli to bed even earlier, and veg out even more on the weekends, just to get caught back up on How I Met Your Mother or Parks and Recreation?

No, I say.  Not more TV.  Less TV.  Admission – the pull is still there.  I want ESPN so bad I want to cry sometimes.  But I also know that 1 hour of Sports Center just doesn’t suffice.  For some reason, it’s necessary to watch it 3 times in a row, just to see if they deliver their lines differently the second or third time around.  So I fight the urge.  I fight Erin’s urge.  I fight Eli’s urge (Disney, Nick, Cartoon Network).  And we suffer through life with basic channels, an analog VCR for recording purposes, and Blockbuster Online for everything else.

And in some ridiculous and warped way, in my mind, that makes me seem better than you.  Unless of course you don’t have a TV at all.  Which simply makes you strange and out of touch.  =)

I’ll tonight work from six until eight
With other brains to speculate
Efficiency plans
That down to a man
Will give us more work and less breaks

This weekend we’ll drive to the state
Where bluegrass and coal mining mate
To hang with the crew
Both Edelen and Booe
You need me to elucidate?

Last night watched a movie so wack
With Keanu the thespian hack
Where he Stood Still the Earth
Not a crap was it worth
Can I please have my two hours back?

In the comments I’d sure love to see
A writer who eloquently
Can write such a prose
As me, I suppose
On my part it’s wishful thinking. =)

At some point, I’ll become unsure of the Roman Numeric values of the movie ratings, which will force me to quit this series.  But I’m pretty certain that XI = 11, so we’re good for now.  Enjoy.

Terminator Salvation.  First impression – I realize this is partly the control of the movie theater, but this was the loudest movie I can remember seeing in the theater since the storming-the-beach scene in Saving Private Ryan back in 1997.  Second impression – Christian Bale basically acted like an even meaner version of Batman, which is to say he didn’t do much acting, just mean looks and a growling voice.  Third impression – some of the coolest special effects I’ve ever seen.  My Rating:  I can hardly remember anything about Terminator 1, Terminator 2, or Terminator 3 and still wanted to see this movie.  That’s weird.

Step Brothers.  Tea bagging.  Nuff said.  My Rating:  Will Ferrell, you’re a legitimately funny person.  You really are.  Will you please, please, please, please, please stop acting in every ridiculous dumb ass movie that comes your way, and start making more lasting choices.  And John C Reilly, you’re an awesome actor.  You were in Magnolia, one of my favorite movies ever.  Why are you getting dragged into this crap?  Help me understand!

Role Models.  Did you laugh at American Pie, Superbad, Napolean Dynamite, Dumb and Dumber, or the 40 Year Old Virgin?  Then, chances are, you’ll laugh at Role Models.  This movie was pretty much as vulgar as the previews made it out to be, but it ended up being MUCH funnier than I expected.  Sean William Scott is definitely a type cast actor, but he’s come a hell of a long way since Dude, Where’s My Car?.  My Rating:  It’s one of those movies you kind of feel guilty for laughing so hard at….just like American Pie, Superbad, Napolean Dynamite, Dumb and Dumber, and The 40 Year Old Virgin.

The Bucket List.  Two old guys keep getting older.  And before they die, they want to accomplish some things in life.  It stars Jack Nicholas and Morgan Freeman, so you kind of want to see it regardless.  And it made me think of my own bucket lists in life…things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25, before I turned 30, before I turn 35.  Like those fellas, I’ve done almost none of it.  So I’m hoping that when I’m 70 and have a little more expendable income, my list will become a reality – skydiving, owning a jet ski, seeing Michael Jackson in concert, smuggling illegal immigrants in from Mexico, eating REAL Chinese food, and playing golf at Pebble Beach, just to name a few.  My Rating:  Sorry, I got so caught up in the thought of seeing Michael Jackson in concert, I forgot what the movie was about.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Guys, if you watch it just to see Kristen Bell or Mila Kunis spend half the movie in a bikini, then it’s worth watching.  Ladies, if you watch it just to see Russell Brand nearly naked on several occasions, it’s worth watching.  Fortunately, you’ll have the added bonus of seeing a movie that is legitimately funny, entertaining, fairly original, and absolutely worth enduring as far as chick flicks are concerned.  My Rating:  Maybe you didn’t see the earlier part … Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis very often in bikinis.  Russell Brand often nearly naked.  And Jason Segal pretty much doing what he does comedically, which becomes slightly tiring after a while but mostly works.  Just see it, already.

Have you seen this yet??

This past weekend’s episode of Saturday Night Live was one of the funniest I’ve ever watched from beginning to end.  It feels weird to say this, but Justin Timberlake is the man.

Didn’t catch it?  Then you absolutely HAVE to watch this sketch:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72446/saturday-night-live-immigrant-tale

Followed by this digital short:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover

Seriously.  You have to.  Ridiculous.

And watch them in that order.  Makes it even funnier.

Wow, we’ve made it all the way to Part 10 of the movie ratings on this blog.  Hard to believe.  That means I’ve rated approximately 45 movies in the last (almost) 2 years.  As a special treat to commemorate the occasion, I have more ratings to share.  And you will like them.  Word.

Gran Torino.  How old does a guy have to get before he ceases to be intimidating?  In Clint Eastwood’s case, I’m guessing it will happen at age 94.  In the meantime, he’ll continue to write, act, direct, and kick ass.  My Rating:  Listen punk.  Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have f**ked with? That’s me.

Watchmen.  This movie can be summed up in 3 words.  Big blue penis.  My Rating:  It was long, it wasn’t very action oriented, it was a little confusing, and it featured a big blue penis.  You make the call.

Don’t Mess With the Zohan.  Never in my life would I have thought hummus could be so funny.  Or racial slurs and profiling.  Or humping old women.  But somehow, against my better judgement, I watched this movie, and actually laughed.  My Rating:  If you’re trying to make a decision between Step Brothers, Don’t Mess With the Zohan, or Superbad…ah hell, it’s a toss up.  They’re all ridiculously crude, wrong, insensitive, and ashamedly funny.

Marley & Me.  I laughed.  Then I went, “awe…..how cute.”   Then I enjoyed some chips and salsa as the story developed.  Then I noticed some lacsadaisical movie making moments.  Then I laughed again.  Then some more time went by………………………..and then I cried.  And cried.  And cried more.  And then had to actually work hard to keep myself from vocally crying out loud.  This was like watching a really great episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and then having Ty Pennington die in a freak accident at the end of the show.  My Rating:  I’m recommending it.  But I’m stating imperatively that you MUST have a box of tissues nearby.  Don’t test me on this one.

(note – you can add additional answers)

For part 9 in my movie ratings series, I’ve gone against the grain a little.  I actually really like every movie I’m writing about today.  I almost always throw in a dud or two, just because it feels more balanced.  And, since I’ve not posted a movie rating since October, I’ve certainly seem some duds (which I’ll write about later).  But today, it just didn’t feel right. 

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I’m starting to wonder…when Brad Pitt is 60, will he still look 30?  He has to be the most consistently younger-than-his-age looking man who’s ever lived.  Moving on.  This is certainly not the best movie I’ve ever seen.  But it’s certainly one of the most creative.  Anytime you can watch a 3 hour movie, and walk away not feeling like it was 3 hours, that’s a good thing.  My Rating:  If you have a curious case of Academy Award Nominated Movie-itis, then give this one a shot.

Wall E.  This rating is way overdue.  Wall E has already made it to DVD, but I’ve been fortunate enough to see it twice in the theater and once on DVD, and it continues to amaze.  I’m both shocked and angry that this movie didn’t get a Best Picture nominee…and I mean in the big boy category, not in the animated flicks.  The simple fact that you have sit with a 4 year old, and watch a 2 hour movie that has maybe 20 minutes of actual dialogue, and have that 4 year old be totally enthralled….well, that’s true movie magic.  My Rating:  Maybe the best movie of 2008, regardless of category.

Traitor.  I’m guessing this has not been a highly watched movie.  Don Cheadle is an amazing actor, but doesn’t seem to be a big draw when he’s the leading man.  He seems much more natural in great supporting roles (Ocean’s Eleven, Traffic, and Out of Sight come to mind).  But both in Hotel Rwanda and in Traitor, Cheadle proves he’s more than a supporting man.  Ultimately, Traitor makes you question your faith, your resolve, and your dedication to your beliefs and values.  It makes you ask yourself how far you would go for a cause you believe in.  My Rating:  You could pass this movie over in the Blockbuster aisle without even realizing it’s there…instead…stop, rent it, and watch it.

Michael Clayton.  It’s just a recipe for a good movie.  Great cast, intricate plot, twists and turns, moments of agonizing decision, gut checks, betrayal, you name it.  It was almost impossible for this movie to not be great.  Which it was.  George Clooney shines in a more contemporary role.  Tilda Swinton, one of the plainest looking people on the big screen, commands attention in every scene.  Tom Wilkinson is as great as always.  And the ending is superb.  My Rating:  Um, tough one here, huh?  See it!

V for Vendetta.  First…no, I didn’t just see V for Vendetta for the first time.  My friend Scott owns it.  I was at his home recently, and decided to borrow it, since I’d not seen it for a couple of years.  And, as before, it was so incredibly good that I wouldn’t help but to add it to my ratings list.  I think this may be the only movie ever that I could actually watch with my eyes closed, hearing only the dialogue, and still walk away loving it.  It’s clever, thoughtful, poetic, intriguing, enigmatic, powerful.  It’s main character wears a mask, yet you completely feel his emotions like they were written on his face.  A masterpiece.  My Rating:  It’s STILL not quite Braveheart, but this is a movie I’ll continue to watch for years to come.

There were somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000,000 people at the Obama inauguration.  That’s a lot of people.  Astute observation, I know.

Are the San Antonio Spurs EVER going to get to old to compete?  I’m beginning to wonder.  Seems like they’ve been the “older, veteran” team on the block for about 5 years now, yet they continue to win.

Michael C. Hall could possibly be the greatest actor whose name you just don’t recognize.

I’m having a really hard time finding any optimistic reserves regarding the economy.  At my place of employment, we were on 32 hour work weeks in November and December, had a mandatory shutdown from Christmas through New Years, changed to a company-wide 10% pay cut for January, and are now going back to 32 hour work weeks indefinitely.  And I feel like I have to consider myself lucky, because I actually still have a job.  It’s hard to imagine how the 15,000,000 jobless feel.

I’m about halfway through the 4th book in the Twilight series…which, for now, is the last book.  The only other vampire book I’ve ever read – Stephen King’s “Salem’s Lot” – kept me awake at night, scared, watching my windows for floating shadow’s.  Not so much with this one.  Even though I’ve enjoyed it, it’s been less of a scary feeling and more of a Notebook-Return to Me-While You Were Sleeping-Sweet Home Alabama-One Fine Day sort of feeling. 

For the most part, when an athlete says, “It’s not about the money.  Even if I wasn’ t making anything, this is what I would be doing”, it’s crap. 

I have a weird thing for jackets.  At home, in the closet, I have a minimum of  12 different jackets….rain jackets, winter sledding coats, plain zip up hoodies, mid-weight jackets, pullover windshirts.  This is partly because of where I work, but a few of these are over 5 years old and still in good shape.  I can’t explain it, really.  I just like jackets.

Wanna watch some videos of guys having their arms broken while they arm wrestle?  Here’s your chance.

Just recently made hamburger steak at home for the first time ever.  I love hamburger steak.  I cannot understand why I’ve never made this before.  It’s sort of like making miniature versions of meatloaf.  And I love meatloaf. 

Good bye Goody’s.  I’ll miss you.  That one and only time I purchased a couple of sweaters from your store about 10 years ago was a great experience for me.  I loved those sweaters.  Got them for about $6.00 each and wore them for at least 7 years, before they finally wore out. 

Declarative Statement:  If you’re not a fan and active viewer of The Office, I pity you.

WGN (out of Chicago) has been running a thing in the evenings on weeknights where they show old “tv classics”…Alf, Family Ties, All in the Family, The Hartford Files, stuff like that. 

In particular, I’ve had the opportunity to catch old episodes of Knight Rider, The Incredible Hulk, and the A-Team.  All shows I grew up watching and had great memories of.  I’m sorry to say that these WGN reruns have KILLED my fondness for these shows.  Man, in comparison to today’s shows, they are AWFUL.  I mean, just absolutely AWFUL.  The plots are bad, the acting is bad, the color is bad, the scenery is bad, the dialogue is bad.  I’ve had trouble watching these shows for more than 15-20 minutes when they’ve been on because it hurts me so bad to do so.  I’m serious.  I’m grinding my teeth going, “how in the world did I ever love these shows so much.” 

It’s brutal.  It’s like drinking Tab, hopping back into a wood-paneled station wagon, whipping up a can of Spam for old time sakes, or visiting the church you went to as a child that hasn’t changed one bit since you went there as a child.  I’m almost awe-struck at how much television could improve just in the span of 20-25 years.  It makes me excited to see what tv will be like when I’m 50.  It even makes me excited to see what Spam will be like when I’m 50.  Hmmmm.  Yummy.