Have you seen this yet??

I have the ability to cross only one eye at a time.

Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not completely useless.   Back in my church camp days, when I used to wear glasses more than contacts, I used to convince elementary, jr high, and sr high campers that I wore glasses NOT because of poor vision, but because I had a cross-eyed disease.  I would tell them my glasses has a special corrective lens that helped to keep my “crooked eye” straightened out.

Then…I would demonstrate.  (this was always so funny)  As I would take my glasses off, I would cross my eye.  Then, putting the glasses back on, I would uncross my eye.  I could do it over and over.  What a riot!!  It never failed to work.

“A euphemism is a substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression in place of one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener; or in the case of doublespeak, to make it less troublesome for the speaker.  It also may be a substitution of a description of something or someone rather than the name, to avoid revealing secret, holy, or sacred names to the uninitiated, or to obscure the identity of the subject of a conversation from potential eavesdroppers. Some euphemisms are intended to be funny.”  (from wikipedia)

Euphemisms for Curse Words:  Shoot, darn, durn, gosh darn, dang, crap, gosh, terd, frick, freak, frack, SOB, SOL, FUBAR, bull, bullcrap, fart, screw it, fudge, crud, poop, bullhockey, jeez, geez, gee whiz, flip, shucks, frag, foo, fooey …. what am I missing?

Other Euphemisms, Random:  special needs, physically challenged, vertically challenged, post traumatic stress disorder, getting to third base, scoring, love gloves, passed away, went to sleep forever, we’re having him put down, sanitation officer, wellness programs, making whoopy, pre-owned vehicles, cutting excess salaries, working class neighborhood, correctional facility, unable to perform in clutch situations, escort service, and being held back a grade.

What are your favorites?  What have I missed?  As a Christian, are the cursing euphemisms acceptable to use, or is it just like cursing anyway, so it doesn’t matter?  Are euphemisms stupid?  Excuse me, I mean are euphemisms less mentally able?  Are they helpful?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

For you betters out there … I give the over/under on the number of seasons before American Idol finally fizzles out at 4.5 season.  Where do you put your money? 

Who is this? 

When a comedian or performer has an awesome show, someone might tell him, “man, you killed it out there tonight!”  Doesn’t that sound extremely odd and anti-funny?  I mean, if an assassin successfully guns a man down, does a cohort tell him, “dude, you had them laughing so hard out there!” ?? No, because that makes no sense.  Why do we say so many things that make no sense?

Did you know you can occasionally catch re-runs of ALF weeknights on WGN?

Which would you choose?  $1,000,000 in a wire transfer.  Or $3,000,000 in pennies truckloaded to your home and dumped in your yard?

Scrubs might be my all-time-favorite-tv-show-that-I-almost-never-watched.  What’s yours?

Whoooo let the dogs out!?  Woof, woof, woof!

Isn’t the mere fact that the period of time from a presidential election in November to the time the new president actually takes office in January is referred to as the ”LAME DUCK” period enough to persuade Congress to possibly revise that procedure?

Made some spaghetti last night, with meat sauce.  Yummy.  I’ve been in the habit of bringing my lunch to work for a long time now … can’t really afford to buy lunch everyday, not really sure how so many others can … and spaghetti is a great lunch option.  For about $6.00 you can make at least 5 servings of sketti and meat sauce, which provides a meal at home for 2 and 3 days worth of lunch.  Perfect. 

After I’d eaten some sketti, put my lunch servings into tupperware containers, and cleaned out the pots and the strainer, I left the kitchen to watch some tv with Erin.  A few minutes later, when I came back into the kitchen for something, I noticed this in the sink …

Yep, it’s just what it looks like.  A small piece of leftover spaghetti that didn’t get washed down the drain, in the undeniable shape of an ICTHUS fish.  I had to take about 10 pictures to get one that looked okay, since the stainless steel sink kept reflecting the camera flash.  Finally, Erin held a flashlight over the ICTHUS spaghetti fish, I turned off the flash, and captured the image you see here. 

What does it mean?  I made some dinner and cleaned up afterward, so I performed my husbandly duties okay.  No problem there.  I made reasonable sized servings, so no gluttony.  Should I be eating MORE spaghetti?  Is it really good for me?  Do I need to think about God more while I’m cooking, being thankful for the opportunity and for the food provided for us?  Maybe, just maybe, if I look at my sink closely enough, I’ll find a sublimal image of the Virgin Mary.  And the ICHTHUS spaghetti fish is likely sitting right where her stomach is, an obvious metaphor of the fact she carried the hope of mankind in her womb.  Or maybe, just maybe, the spaghetti poured onto the sink, this piece got stuck, some water flowed on it and caused it to move a little, and it ended up looking like a well known Christian symbol.  I don’t know. 

What I do know is that if I ever see several grains of rice clumped together in the sink in the shape of a cross, I’m going to totally freak out.