About 18 months ago, after our guys small group had been meeting for about 6 months, had grown in numbers just a little, and were starting to gel, we kept having conversations each week about how we wanted to serve more consistently, both as individuals and as a small group.  We wanted to be involved with helping people.  Problem was, we just didn’t know how, and we didn’t want to just default to serving meals because that seemed like something lots of people were doing already.

Over the last 18 months, God took it upon Himself to figure this out for us.  He has effectively placed in our path NINE (9) opportunities to help someone either in our small group, or in the Crossings community, move from one home to another.  We are now, as we like to call it, the Moving Crew.

Two of these opportunities have come in the last two weeks.  Last Thursday night, about 9 of us helped a single female in another small group move from one apartment to another.  The ENTIRE move, beginning to end, took about 50 minutes.  That’s what happens when you have a reasonably small amount of furniture to move, 9 guys, and a 20-foot box truck that Threds lets me use.

Then, last night, another move.  We were excited to help Kristin, a great friend and a super-awesome person, in her move as a first-time home owner!  (Refer to picture…not pictured is China Matt, who I think must have been using the bathroom while this was being taken.  Sorry man.) She had significantly more stuff.  But again, with 10 guys, a 20-foot Threds box truck, and 2 other pickup trucks, the entire move took about 2 hours.  Then we were treated to home cooked BBQ, chips, brownies, and sweet tea!

It can be hard work.  It can be frustrating.  But it’s so amazing to get to step into the lives of people in our community and help them in a tangible way, in what is usually a sort of overwhelming time.  I’m so thankful God heard our conversations and prayers, and helped us find a way to serve.

In fact, our small group is so pumped up about our ministry, we’ve taken the obvious next step.  We’re getting t-shirts!  =)

Over the last 8 years of my life, debt has been a constant reminder of my terrible actions and stupid decisions.  The terrible actions and stupid decisions, well, I won’t get into those today.  As for the debt…

It feels much like jumping off of a sinking about about a mile from shore.  You’ve got on a life jacket, so you’re staying alive, but you’re a mediocre swimmer, and the current proves too strong.  You swim hard, kick, fight, make progress, and can see the shoreline.  The shoreline full of debt-free people who enjoy less stress, take vacations, save for the future, and drive paid-for cars.

Then you stop to catch your breath, and the current does its thing.  And 8 years later, instead of being a mile from the shoreline, you’re now .85 miles away.  Closer, but a long ways away and struggling.

I know the situation is about 97% my fault, but it’s so much easier to be mad at the system, the credit card companies, ridiculous health care premiums, and the untimeliness of certain costly events.

Dave Ramsey has been a good guide and a reasonable voice, but his methods alone can only take you so far.  Selling every unessential item you own, taking on three jobs, and never spending a dime on anything unnecessary sounds inspiring when you read it.  Until, of course, you realize every unessential item you own is probably worth about $100 total, you care more about the sanity of your family than about working three jobs, and that never spending a dime on anything leads to hermitism, social depression, and never doing anything with friends.

So you make an airtight budget that pays your bills, gives you a small weekly allowance that gives you at least some freedom to grab an occasional lunch or see a movie once a month, and then hope to God that the car doesn’t break down, that a bone doesn’t get broken, and that you’re lucky enough to keep your job.

And, then, squeezed somewhere into there, you give back to God.  You tighten the small weekly allowance, just to make it possible.  And you go through a mental battle that wages a war on whether or not that God-money is optional.  “Bought too many groceries this week?  Just take it out of the God money.”  (no, no, no)  “Donated money to a third party cause of some sort?  No problem, just take that out of the God money.”  (ahhhh, can’t do that)  “Have to buy a pair of shoes this week, because yours are 2 years old and falling apart.  You gotta do it, gotta have shoes.  Just take it out of the God money.”  (crap! stop!)

And so you swim.  And hope.  And pray.  And say thanks for forgiveness for stupid decisions.  And you give.  And work hard to accept what you have as a blessing from the Giver.  And you squint even harder, trying to see the light in the tunnel.  You dig harder, trying to see that ray of sunlight coming through the dirt.  You swim faster, seeking the joy of the shoreline.  And you enjoy family and friends.  You worship.  You trust.  You live.

Having been a part of my guys small group now for over 2 years, I sometimes find myself feeling bad for churches that try to do small groups, and it just doesn’t work.  I don’t even really know who these churches are, I just know they’re out there.

Coming from a fairly traditional church background, up until just a few years ago, I can totally understand how small groups just don’t work in many places.  It’s hard to describe, but not so hard to understand.

At the same time, it’s hard to describe exactly why they DO work at Crossings.  Granted, not every small group is always flourishing.  Some have growing pains.  Others end.  Still others have consistency issues.  But, as a whole, our small groups are thriving and are truly providing the life blood of our church.

Because each group is different, does different things, and are led by different personalities, I can really only explain MY view as to what makes a small group work.  How do you build community among people who may not know each other?  How do generate a spirit of loyalty and camraderie?  How do build a small group for the long term?

For me, it’s by CREATING MOMENTS.  What do I mean?  Think back to your youth group (if you were in one).  Do you remember the lessons or what you prayed about?  I don’t, and you probably don’t either.  But do you remember the mission trip, the CIY conference, the service project you did in the cold of winter, or the crazy experiences on the church van?  I do.

Think back to high school.  Do you remember any individual class session or a conversation with a friend?  Probably not.  But do you remember your prom, going to the state competition in something, participating in a special event, or your graduation party?  I do.

Are you a parent?  Think back on your child’s first year.  Do you remember much about individual days or moments spent with your child?  Probably not.  But do you remember the birth?  The first time they smiled or crawled?  Their first birthday party?  I do.

So now, I think back on my small group.  We’ve studied about 15 books of the Bible, spent hours in prayer for one another, eaten lots of great snacks, and spent time talking about our weeks and what’s going on in our lives.  Do I remember much of that over the course of 2 years?  A little bit, but not much.

But what do I remember?  …….  our very first awkward small group meeting at Scott’s apartment, helping the Restoration House with a work project, laughing our asses off at IHOP, going to see The Dark Knight, helping people in our community move to new places, welcoming Mark to our small group with a customized banner, spontaneously deciding one night to go see midget wrestling, only to end up at Sundown in the City, celebrating the glorious revolution from England together, going camping on a wet and rainy weekend, gangsta posing with the BVD, leaving a stack of potted meat cans on one guys doorstep, going to see our new friend in the hospital after he had a wreck, then helping him move to a new apartment a week later, pissething on the wall, going tubing on the Pigeon River, going to see our buddy’s band perform, volunteering at Prom of the Stars, watching a guy in our small group get baptized.

For me, this is what makes our small group great.  Clearly, we are grounded in seeking Christ together, studying His Word, and praying for each other.  But what has made it last, what has built true friendship and loyalty and a spirit of togetherness, has been creating moments.  Moments that build, that serve, and that endure.  To me, without these, we are basically a Sunday School class that meets on Thursday.  But by creating moments, we become a small group.

This is something I share with people often.  I do it because I like to sound frugal, and because it helps me seem like a person who has his priorities straight in the world.  I also share it out of arrogance, because it somehow helps me feel better than those to whom I am sharing.  Yes, I recognize these things, yet I do it anyway.

You’re asking…What is it you share?  I’m so glad you asked, because that way it makes it much easier for me to project my false morals on you.

The statement:  In my entire life, the only time I’ve ever had cable TV was during my 4 years of college. Yep.  Truth.  33 years old, and I’ve enjoyed cable TV for only 4 years of it.

Growing up, we had the huge outdoor antenna that usually sometimes got us the big 4 or 5 stations out of Louisville, KY.  Usually.  College – cable.  Enjoyed it.  The early years of Sports Center with Dan Patrick and Keith Olberman, movie reruns on TBS and USA, getting to watch the Bulls play more than 3 times  a year.

Ever since – no cable.  At least, not REAL cable.  For several years, I simply used an amplified tv antenna that normally got 4 or 5 stations.  For about 5 years now, we’ve had the “basic cable” package, which gets us anywhere from 6 – 9 watchable stations and cost us about $15.00 a month.

** Watchable stations do not include QVC, the local Knoxville brainwashed preaching programs, or the 24 hour a day local community news feed that updates me on things like Parents Night Out at Rockwell Baptist Church and Free Gummy Bear Day at Ace Hardware Store.

Now, if we really wanted to, we could scrounge up some money and afford regular cable.  We would need to cancel our monthly Blockbuster Online account, but it would be doable.  But here’s my issue….why give myself even MORE opportunity to watch TV, when I already watch more than necessary already?

Lately, we haven’t even really watched a ton of  TV.  We always watch The Office and 30 Rock, but everything else is hit or miss.  I watch sports occasionally on Saturday or Sunday, but rarely more than a couple of hours, and I rarely if ever watch an entire game of any sport from beginning to end.

We still use Blockbuster Online, but more sparingly than in the past.  It seems as though we’ve finally watched about every movie we would ever want to see, and most new releases just don’t pique our interest as much.  We keep Blockbuster Online mainly for the TV series that are sometimes harder to find in the stores.  Just this week we finished Season 3 of Dexter (amazing!).  And it’s cool to have access to older movies online that the stores don’t stock, like Cool Hand Luke or Chinatown.  One of which I haven’t watched yet, and one of which I didn’t really like.  That doesn’t matter though.  What matters is they are available.

But again.  Why do we need more TV?  We typically only have about 2 hours of actually family time together in the evenings before it’s time for Eli to go to bed.  On the weekends we go to church, grocery shop, run errands, and try to do something fun every once in a while.  I’m older now, so I typically go to bed around 10:30 instead of midnight.

Why do we need more TV?  Most shows are set up now so that you MUST watch every week to know what’s going on.  If you miss a week, you’ve got to catch it on Hulu before it’s too late.  We have no DVR, so we can’t just set up to record everything we like.  And why would we?  So we can send Eli to bed even earlier, and veg out even more on the weekends, just to get caught back up on How I Met Your Mother or Parks and Recreation?

No, I say.  Not more TV.  Less TV.  Admission – the pull is still there.  I want ESPN so bad I want to cry sometimes.  But I also know that 1 hour of Sports Center just doesn’t suffice.  For some reason, it’s necessary to watch it 3 times in a row, just to see if they deliver their lines differently the second or third time around.  So I fight the urge.  I fight Erin’s urge.  I fight Eli’s urge (Disney, Nick, Cartoon Network).  And we suffer through life with basic channels, an analog VCR for recording purposes, and Blockbuster Online for everything else.

And in some ridiculous and warped way, in my mind, that makes me seem better than you.  Unless of course you don’t have a TV at all.  Which simply makes you strange and out of touch.  =)

I don’t quite understand how to read the Old Testament.  Do I read it for historical purposes, to understand the lineage of Jesus?  Do I read it for life application, comparing my life to the up and downs of the Israelites, realizing that I stray and turn my back on God as often as they did?  Do I read it just to get an understanding of how bad things were, and why we needed a Savior?

Example.  We just studied the 10 Plagues in Exodus at small group last week.  We doing some studies of the Essential 100, and that’s just where we are at.

Now, the plagues are an amazing story, just in terms of story value.  Makes for an amazing movie.  Shows the power of God in a frightening way.  The things that happened are unfathomable and so epic that we could never understand their affect.

But I don’t really understand what to take from reading about the plagues.  In fact, it makes me shake my head about God maybe more than anything else in the OT.  The plagues were cruel, terrible, sort of over-the-top punishment rained upon an entire nation or people group.  It’s hard for me to be believe that ALL the Egyptians were deserving of this punishment, that many of them were simply suffering because of the hard heart of the Pharoah.  Their water supply was ruined, their land turned to filthy, odorous ruins, their livestock obliterated, and thousands of firstborn children killed.  Sure, the end game was to make it possible for Moses to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt and off to their own lands.  But was all that really necessary?  In fact, the flood makes more sense to me than the plagues.

Over the last 2 years in small group, we’ve studied Genesis, some of Exodus, and most of the minor prophets.  And I’ve continued this struggle of knowing how to read these books and what to gain from them.  I’ve struggled with the fact that so much is missing, chunks of time go by in a story and you have no idea what happened during those times.  Sometimes God is a provider, sometimes full of wrath, sometimes elusive, and sometimes is even coaxed by a prophet to change His mind about something.

So many Old Testament laws and practices no longer apply and were really abolished by the new covenant.  The person of Jesus made so many OT laws seem ridiculous (an eye for an eye).  So, why read parts of Exodus or Deuteronomy or Leviticus where so many of these laws are laid out, which no longer mean anything to me, and only serve to make me more confused?

So.  How do you read the Old Testament?  What do you gain from it in personal life application?  Do you get as confused as I do?  Do you read it just as a surface story, or do you like to dig deeper into the meanings, the culture, the background?  Ultimately, I know it’s important for me to read these books of Scripture, I’d just like to figure out the best reason why.

Gotcha.

Go ahead and hit yourself in the arm for me.  Suckaaa!!

For me, one of the nice things about growing older – both in age and in my faith – has been the opportunity to wrestle with faith questions in my life.  Over the years, one of the most important of these questions has been the role of baptism in salvation.

Background – I grew up in a church tradition, and went to a Christian college, that both viewed and taught baptism as being a necessary, final step to being saved.  There was a specific salvation process – you believe, you repent, you confess, and you are baptized.  All four of these steps were necessary, and the omission of any, at the very least, put your salvation at risk.  It was looked at sort of like changing the tire on your car, but forgetting to tighten the lug nuts on the spare.  Yeah, the tire is there, but it’s probably going to fall off as soon as your drive away.  Then you wreck and die.

I had often questioned this view of baptism, but had neither the depth of faith nor the moxy to dig into it further.  I had asked myself questions like, “If you saved a person in the deserts of Africa, and the nearest “dunkable” water source was 5 miles away, and this person simply could not make it to the water source, would they really die and go to hell?”  Scriptural references aside, this simply did not make sense to me.  It was contrary to the loving and relational nature of God.

A turning point began for me around 1997, when I heard Bob Russell, senior minister of Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Ky, do a sermon series on these 4 steps of salvation.  Long story short, he spoke of baptism in this way…..baptism isn’t necessarily required for salvation, but it is required for the “assurance” of salvation.  God is not a legalistic God, so it’s not in his nature to make us do things to earn his love.  But read the New Testament, especially Acts – Jesus was baptized, and everyone who came to know and believe in Christ was baptized.  If it was good enough for Jesus and the first Christians, shouldn’t we naturally follow that example?

This made sense.  It left open the possibility that a person was saved upon belief and repentance, even if they couldn’t immediately get to a baptistry, creek, or lake.  It helped me see baptism as a celebration of salavation, rather than the final exam.  Since that time, I’ve viewed baptism as a wedding ceremony to Christ….when you fall in love and commit your life to your future spouse, you don’t have to just run out and immediately get married.  At the same time, it’s not necessary to have a full blown wedding with 100’s of people and a fancy ceremony.  Yet couples like to do this, because it’s a celebration.  It’s a way to celebrate their love with others, to make it public, to create a memory that will last forever.

You don’t have to get baptized immediately….accordingly, nor should you wait 2 years to do it.  You can be baptized in front of 2 people or 10,000.  The point is, it’s a celebration of your love for Christ.  It’s your wedding to him.  Maybe – MAYBE – you don’t have to marry Christ.  Maybe God’s love reaches wide and long enough to hold you in, even if you ignore this important step.

But why would you?  Why ignore the example of Christ and the early believers?  Why explain away its importance?  Why sprinkle when Christ was immersed?  Why baptize babies when people in the Scriptures made this decision on their own?  Why roll the dice and take the chance?  In this way, baptism as the “assurance” of salvation has always made great sense to me.

Yesterday, we had another Crossings baptism celebration.  As always, it was great.  At Crossings, we have baptism celebrations every 3-5 months.  In most cases in our community, new believers in Christ are not baptized immediately.  I have old friends who would have a great deal of issue with this, so much so that they would probably not attend our church because of it.  I can understand this, I just don’t agree with it.  You just can’t imagine how special it is when we plan these celebrations, invite the entire community, have dozens – even hundreds – of people show up, and all celebrate wildly together when each person is raised from the water.  As a result, our baptisms are less of a hurried requirement (and even sometimes annoying to those who are ready to leave church and get to lunch before the crowd arrives)….and more of an anticipated party.

I’m so grateful for the depth of God’s love.  And I’m thankful that the waters of baptism are not a hoop, a jump rope, a high bar, or a 3 point line.  Rather, they are 2 open arms, a kiss on the cheek, a thousand hugs, and enough “woo hoo’s!” to last a lifetime.

Last night we were watching some episodes from the season 3 DVD of Dexter – one of the best TV shows I’ve ever seen.  Check it out sometime.

Anyway.  A character in the tv show is dying of lung cancer.  It’s terminal.  There’s no way to treat or cure the cancer at this point.  Dexter has known this lady for many years and visits her in the hospice care center a few times.

One day he goes in, and she’s in a terrible mood.  Why?  Because the doctor told her that her tumor was actually slowing down it’s growth rate.  Meaning she probably had another month to live, instead of another week.  She began to cry and choke, completely torn up over the fact that she now had to endure the pain, the difficult breathing, the vomiting, and, as she put it, s**tting all over herself at night, for another month.  She just wants to die and be done with it.  She’s ready to go.  Her husband had died a year or two before, and she was simply ready to join him.  And, in the end, she begs Dexter to help her die.  To pull the plug.  Smother her.  Anything to make it all be over with.

If I’m ever in her shoes, will I feel the same way?  I’ve never had to endure prolonged and terminal pain, so I can’t say for sure.  But it really made me start thinking about assisted death and, apart from religious or spiritual views on the matter, whether there was a place for it in the world of health care.  Sure, guidelines and legal protocols would likely be a mile long.  Lawsuits would run rampant.  But might there be a place for it, really?  Would it be ALL that different from the do-not-recessitate laws that are already used?  Was Jack Kavorkian on to something?

Crap, I don’t know.  I feel sort of sacreligous for even thinking it.  At the same time, it seems right, almost kind and merciful in many situations.  To allow a person who’s scientific hope for physical relief has reached its end the personal option to end their suffering.  My head is sort of spinning on this one.  I’ll need to think it through.  Thoughts?

I am completely torn on the health care debate.  Over a year ago, after watching the movie “Sicko”, it was clear to me that health care for all was the only clear path for a moral nation.  How could you allow people to be sick, to live with disease, or to die.  And, maybe even worse, how could you stand to send millions of people into financial shambles if they are forced to have problems or injuries treated with no health coverage.

Here’s the thing.  I haven’t changed my stance on health care.  I still think it should be provided to all, somehow, someway.

It’s the “somehow, someway” that I’m torn over.  I understand capitalism and economics enough to know that free health care isn’t the answer.  But how do you federally regulate the system so that it’s fair to everyone.

Sure, we could regulate the cost of all procedures down to the bare minimum.  But don’t hospitals, insurers, and doctors have at least some right to earn a good living?  Sometimes I think it’s criminal for a doctor or surgeon to make $500,000 to $1,000,000 per year, knowing that money comes from inflated insurance costs and expensive procedures that most people just could never afford, but are forced to undergo just to live.  At the same time, I think, “well, that doctor or surgeon went to school and worked his or her ass for about 10-12 years to learn how to heal the human body, so they should be entitled to make that kind of money.”  You get my dilemma?

Both fortunately and unfortunately, long gone are the days of the town doctor that shows up to your house with a little satchel and does what he can to help and might accept a side of beef for payment.  Fortunately, because today people don’t have to battle illness on their own.  They don’t have to automatically assume that the flu might take their life.  They don’t have to have their broken bones set by a family member and then braced with a couple of pieces of wood and some string.  We have a plethora of doctors, clinics, and hospitals.  We have prescription medicines that help us breathe better, sleep better, hurt less, fight off bugs, regulate our blood, and battle fevers.  We have procedures for all types of injuries and problems that have been studied, practiced, revised, improved, and repracticed over the years, such that procedures that may have been impossible 100 years ago are now common and routine.

But, unfortunately, because all of this comes at a price.  We feel we have a right to be treated immediately and effectively for our respiration problem, but forget that the machine that just x-rayed our chest cost about $350,000, and someone has to pay for it.  We sue surgeons and hospitals for any procedure that doesn’t go quite right, and they in turn charge that much more for the service because of their rising insurance costs.  We eat fast food, drink sugar, and barely exercise, yet wonder why in the world we keep getting sick 3 – 5 times a year, and why our joints hurt so much when we turn 40, and why we’re so sluggish all the time, in need of more coffee or Coke.  We can’t believe the hospitals would charge $20,000 for a simple surgery, yet we forget that the surgeon studied for many many years, and probably deserves to be very well paid, considering that his/her job is to help people live longer.

So, now, I no longer really know where I stand.  Free health care, but at who’s expense?  Subsidized health care?  But again, at who’s expense?  Can, we, as a nation, adjust to longer waits and only-as-truly-needed procedures?  Are we capable of taking some responsibility for our personal health habits?  Is it any more fair to federally mandate the cost of a surgery than it would be to federally mandate the price of a large pizza?

Yes, the health care industry needs to be held more accountable.  They need to be consistent.  They need to be more open.  It should be far less difficult to find out how much something costs, and why.  It should not be common practice to charge two different patients two different costs for the same procedure.  These types of things make me sick.  But I know these things happen in other industries as well.  The only difference is that the other industries aren’t necessarily enlongating my life, or the life of my friends or family.  So I just don’t care quite as much.

I don’t know the answer.  I only hope there is one.  Because any nation, whether Christian or Muslim, wealthy or third world, should truly and actively care about the physical well being of its citizens.  To me, that is the one unshakable fundamental to this debate.

At least for now, I want to continue blogging.  But for the sake of purpose and clarity, I’ve tried to think through some ground rules, a sort of blog-filter if you will.  The blogs that have lasted are the blogs that matter and have a point.  The days of everyone starting a blog and posting nothing but personal updates and you tube videos are over.  Partly because we get tired of that.  Partly because Facebook offers a much better way to communicate personal-life details.  I’m even getting a weird feeling that Twitter is going to die out soon.  Anyone who has enough time on their hands each day to keep a consistent Twitter feed going needs to re-evaluate what exactly they are doing with their time each day.  And those are are Twittering consistently are simply going to get tired of it.

So a blog needs to be thoughtful, meaningful, and provide an actual reason for a reader to return.  I know most of you that read, and you can simply become friends with Erin on Facebook to find out that Eli had a good day at kindergarten, we went on a camping trip, or that work has been rough.  So for you to stay interested, and to attract possible new readers (which I admit I want to do), there has to be more.

With that in mind, here are a few ground rules I’m going to establish.  They’re not necessarily hard and fast (and if you just said “that’s what she said” to yourself, shame on you), and I may occasionally allow myself a guilty humorous pleasure or two, but they’re ground rules nonetheless.

1. If I can create a post in two minutes or less, it’s not a post, and never deserves to be a post.

2. Blog posts shall be well thought out, and written to the best of my ability.

3. I will try to focus my content on issues, opinions, challenges, questions, admissions, hypothesis, and general diatribes that are important to my faith, worldviews, and overall life experience.

4. Because of ground rule #3, anonymous comments are both welcomed and encouraged if the commenter feels it necessary.  This gives you the freedom to question my views, give truly honest feedback, or simply bash me.

5. There shall be no established guideline to the frequency of posts.  It’s easy to post frequently if such posts are not well thought out (see ground rule #2).  That shall not be the case here.  Posting frequency shall coincide only with the time and ability I have to post thoughtfully and effectively.  Therefore, any comment asking where I am or did I disappear shall be ignored.

6. Reader comments are not only welcomed and encouraged, but shall serve as a litmus to the quality of the posts, and the overall health of the blog.  An equation might look like this:  Comments = good post & healthy blog …(or)… No comments = crappy post & dying blog.

7. The total number of “views” on this blog shall no longer mean anything (much like a pitcher’s winning record when his ERA is actually 5.23).  It is apparent that most of my 27,000 views to date have come from people who have Googled the following search terms:  “Hillary Clinton’s cankles”, “Toyota Corolla”, “Michael Jackson History”, “BVD underwear”, and “Best Worship Music.”  None of these Google searchers have either read or contributed to the blog in any way.  They are dead to me.

I hereby announce that the official Ground Rules are established.