a few thoughts & struggles

Posted: June 2, 2008 in faith, ministry, my experiences, soap box

The BVD Tour has been fun.  But it will probably slow down a bit for the next few weeks.  I had assumed I would be in possession of the BVD for one month, at which time it would be presented to someone else in the Crossings leadership community.  However, the June leadership meeting was cancelled, and we will not meet again until August.  This means I have the BVD for 3 months instead of 1.  And it sort of seems like the initial “boom” of the tour has faded.  I’ve gone from being the 2nd most popular blog on wordpress (for a particular few days of time) to being back to like the 2,225,875th most popular.  I still plan on keeping it with me, but I’ll be more selective as to when to bring it out.  And I still have 4-5 photos I haven’t posted yet, so I’ll make sure and offer those in the next week or so. 

On another note…I’m experiencing a time right now, and have been for a little while, where I’m having a very difficult time being content with my life.  And it encompasses many areas.  And the hardest part is knowing what to do, or even having the proper motivation to do anything about it.  For instance…

Erin & I have been on a really tight debt-reduction budget for a long time, and it seems like it will never end, and I’m having trouble being content with the amount of money we make, the place in which we live (we still rent), and the things we’re able or not able to do because of money. 

I’ve posted before about a renewed desire to serve in a greater capacity in ministry, but I wonder if it’s ever going to be possible and whether it’s something I should stop thinking about, at least for now.

I started playing my guitar again about 3 months ago, but I’ve already faded on it again, partly because I have little opportunity to play outside of my bedroom, and partly because my attempts at writing songs seem to head off into nowhere.  =/ 

I’m unhappy with my general physical condition, but have little motivation to do anything about it – jogging, walking, eating much better, developing accountability, etc. 

I have a real desire to develop deeper, stronger friendships in my life and seem to run into some mental roadblocks in that area…. (such as) I don’t have enough time to devote, the friends I have don’t have enough time, friends I’d really like to know better seem to have so many other close friends already that I feel like an intruder or an outsider, with others I wonder if our personalities would mesh well enough to become closer friends….and on and on it goes.

There’s more, but you get the idea.  I wonder if this is something others commonly deal with, or if I’m just in a unique little rut.  Either way, life goes on, right?  Any advice, encouragement, or prayers you may have to offer are certainly welcome.  I know I’ve been given a good life, certainly better than most, but I so often find myself wanting more.  And I’m not always sure whether or not that’s a good thing. 

  1. Shelley says:

    I have to say I won’t really miss the golden briefs, it was good while it lasted, but it got oldie really fast.

    As far as the discontentment, do you have a chance to spend an entire day alone with God? If so, I highly suggest doing so. You may wish to prepare for the day by fasting.

    Make sure you are putting God first every day. A lot of times we get so busy we put God on the backburner, and it may just be that you are not longing for more life but more God. Tithe first, pray first, read the Bible first… etc. If God is not first, everything else will be off.

    Pray without ceasing. Listen without ceasing. Ask God to show you how and help you get motivated. He has spoken a lot into my heart that I was not willing to hear before. If you are ready to change, God will show you how, if you are not ready, ask HIM and He will help you to be ready. If you don’t open your heart yourself, He is gonna have to break you, and you don’t want that… you might need it though. Sometimes His will for us is exactly opposite of our selfish selves.

    You have already asked us blog folk, but make sure your friends and family are all praying for you. Ask others to fast with you and pray with you.

    Mostly, be ready for God to blow your mind, because if you are willing, he will. Believe me, I know.

    I can’t believe I have lost over 30 lbs! Lots more to go, but with God’s help, nothing is impossible!

  2. Loan holder says:

    Very nice blog.Keep up with the good work.

  3. Jason says:

    Thanks Shelley…
    ….and you too (um, i think) “loan holder”.

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