a few thoughts & struggles

The BVD Tour has been fun.  But it will probably slow down a bit for the next few weeks.  I had assumed I would be in possession of the BVD for one month, at which time it would be presented to someone else in the Crossings leadership community.  However, the June leadership meeting was cancelled, and we will not meet again until August.  This means I have the BVD for 3 months instead of 1.  And it sort of seems like the initial “boom” of the tour has faded.  I’ve gone from being the 2nd most popular blog on wordpress (for a particular few days of time) to being back to like the 2,225,875th most popular.  I still plan on keeping it with me, but I’ll be more selective as to when to bring it out.  And I still have 4-5 photos I haven’t posted yet, so I’ll make sure and offer those in the next week or so. 

On another note…I’m experiencing a time right now, and have been for a little while, where I’m having a very difficult time being content with my life.  And it encompasses many areas.  And the hardest part is knowing what to do, or even having the proper motivation to do anything about it.  For instance…

Erin & I have been on a really tight debt-reduction budget for a long time, and it seems like it will never end, and I’m having trouble being content with the amount of money we make, the place in which we live (we still rent), and the things we’re able or not able to do because of money. 

I’ve posted before about a renewed desire to serve in a greater capacity in ministry, but I wonder if it’s ever going to be possible and whether it’s something I should stop thinking about, at least for now.

I started playing my guitar again about 3 months ago, but I’ve already faded on it again, partly because I have little opportunity to play outside of my bedroom, and partly because my attempts at writing songs seem to head off into nowhere.  =/ 

I’m unhappy with my general physical condition, but have little motivation to do anything about it – jogging, walking, eating much better, developing accountability, etc. 

I have a real desire to develop deeper, stronger friendships in my life and seem to run into some mental roadblocks in that area…. (such as) I don’t have enough time to devote, the friends I have don’t have enough time, friends I’d really like to know better seem to have so many other close friends already that I feel like an intruder or an outsider, with others I wonder if our personalities would mesh well enough to become closer friends….and on and on it goes.

There’s more, but you get the idea.  I wonder if this is something others commonly deal with, or if I’m just in a unique little rut.  Either way, life goes on, right?  Any advice, encouragement, or prayers you may have to offer are certainly welcome.  I know I’ve been given a good life, certainly better than most, but I so often find myself wanting more.  And I’m not always sure whether or not that’s a good thing.