My Movie Ratings – Part I

Posted: June 18, 2008 in humor, my experiences, tv & movies

With Blockbuster Online, we see our fair share of movies at home.  And fortunately, I’ve actually been able to see a handful of movies in the theater over the past few months….partly because one of Erin’s co-workers is the sister of the CEO of Regal Cinemas.  Cha Ching.  So I thought I would share some personal movie reviews and ratings on flicks I’ve seen over the past few months.  I’ll offer minimal thoughts, so as to not ruin any plot or narrative, and then I’ll rate the movie.  After much consideration, I’ve developed my personal movie rating scale.  Here it is:

My Movie Rating Scale:

Holy Crap – It’s The Second Coming of Braveheart

It’s Sort of In Between Crash & Shawshank Redemption, With a Dash of Magnolia

On Par with Heat, Just Not Quite There Yet

Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow It Up With A Few Good Men.

It’s Definitely Watchable….It’s Just Not Braveheart, And Never Will Be

I Loved Seven.  Did You Love Seven?  This Was Okay.  But This Was No Seven.

It Could Have Been Better If Steven Seagal Was In It

Ever See The Bridges Of Madison County?  Slow, Watchable, Totally Mediocre?  Yep, It’s About Like That.

If William Wallace From Braveheart Belched, This Movie Would Come Out

It Only Wishes it Could Be a Preview on the Braveheart DVD

Could Be a Cult Hit – If You’re a Member of the I-Love-Movies-That-Suck Cult

Remember Ace Ventura?  Yeah, It’s Almost That Bad

I Would Rather Watch a 2 Hour PBS Documentary on Smog While Snacking on Seaweed

So….let the ratings begin….

The Nanny Diaries.  Life in New York City is something I’ll never comprehend.  But Laura Linney is a great actress, and Scarlett Johansson is quite easy to look at.  My rating:  It’s Definitely Watchable…It’s Just Not Braveheart, And Never Will Be.

In the Valley of Elah.  Really good cast.  Good overall story.  Very nice performance from Tommy Lee Jones, even better than his role in No Country, in my opinion.  My rating:  Oh Yeah, You Should See It.  Just Be Sure to Follow it Up With A Few Good Men.

The Heartbreak Kid.  Can Ben Stiller actually act?  He’s talented, right?  He’s capable of being funny, isn’t he?  Didn’t he once have a bright future ahead of him?  My rating:  Remember Ace Ventura?  Yeah, It’s Almost That Bad.

Transformers.  Man, was I a big fan of the 80’s cartoon.  BIG fan.  You know what I’m not a big fan of?  Shia LeBeouf.  Major overactor.  Some cool effects, a nice emotional quality to the transformers themselves, and a total waste of Josh Duhamel’s decent acting ability.  Although it did elevate Meghan Fox to super-hottie-on-the-cover-of-every-men’s-magazine status.  My rating:  It Could Have Been Better If Steven Seagal Was In It.

Alvin & The Chipmunks.  Well.  Um.  Eli seemed to like it okay.  And I thought it was cool that Jason Lee was able to take off the mustache, wear nicer clothes, be a successful musician, and still pretty much look, sound, and act just like Earl J. Hickey.  My rating:  It Only Wishes It Could Be a Preview on the Braveheart DVD

  1. michaelCODY says:

    I liked Nanny Diaries. And Transformers was bangin’. You must had watched the Go-Bots movie instead… that’s the only thing I think of for your disappointment. Or M.A.S.K.

  2. Anonymous says:

    yeah, don’t get me wrong, i did like Nanny Diaries. Notice it got an “above average” rating on the scale. =) I didn’t dislike Transformers, I just wasn’t blown away either. And I just don’t like Shia LeBeouf.

  3. Jason says:

    sorry, that was me there, it wasn’t actually anonymous

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