Movie Ratings – Part X

Posted: April 20, 2009 in observations / opinions, tv & movies

Wow, we’ve made it all the way to Part 10 of the movie ratings on this blog.  Hard to believe.  That means I’ve rated approximately 45 movies in the last (almost) 2 years.  As a special treat to commemorate the occasion, I have more ratings to share.  And you will like them.  Word.

Gran Torino.  How old does a guy have to get before he ceases to be intimidating?  In Clint Eastwood’s case, I’m guessing it will happen at age 94.  In the meantime, he’ll continue to write, act, direct, and kick ass.  My Rating:  Listen punk.  Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have f**ked with? That’s me.

Watchmen.  This movie can be summed up in 3 words.  Big blue penis.  My Rating:  It was long, it wasn’t very action oriented, it was a little confusing, and it featured a big blue penis.  You make the call.

Don’t Mess With the Zohan.  Never in my life would I have thought hummus could be so funny.  Or racial slurs and profiling.  Or humping old women.  But somehow, against my better judgement, I watched this movie, and actually laughed.  My Rating:  If you’re trying to make a decision between Step Brothers, Don’t Mess With the Zohan, or Superbad…ah hell, it’s a toss up.  They’re all ridiculously crude, wrong, insensitive, and ashamedly funny.

Marley & Me.  I laughed.  Then I went, “awe… cute.”   Then I enjoyed some chips and salsa as the story developed.  Then I noticed some lacsadaisical movie making moments.  Then I laughed again.  Then some more time went by………………………..and then I cried.  And cried.  And cried more.  And then had to actually work hard to keep myself from vocally crying out loud.  This was like watching a really great episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition and then having Ty Pennington die in a freak accident at the end of the show.  My Rating:  I’m recommending it.  But I’m stating imperatively that you MUST have a box of tissues nearby.  Don’t test me on this one.

  1. jeph says:

    Zohan. Really? And all you got from Watchmen was a big blue penis?? I’d love to give you more insight on Watchmen. There’s some really good social commentary in there. Everyone I’ve heard that didn’t like the movie had ZERO interest in the actual symbolism that truly makes the plot special. Someone called it porn to me. I was like…what??? It’s for mature audiences…like…that think. You do, which is why I’m a little surprised you didn’t get it more out of it.

    I’m interested in Gran Torino but haven’t had the time to catch it. I love Eastwood.

  2. Jason says:

    Granted, i had never read the Watchmen books or known anything about it beforehand. My friends who had said it was a much better movie for them. But, my opinion is that a movie should be able to stand on it’s own, whether or not you’ve read the book. And much of the plot, subplot, and overall meaning was lost on me because of that.

  3. jeph says:

    does that go for twilight?

  4. Jason says:

    Twilight the movie was very so-so. I saw if after reading the book (my wife bought it the day it was released, she was so excited), so it’s a little harder to judge. But yes, it probably does apply as well. I think if I had seen the movie before reading the book, much of the meaning would have been lost in the medium.

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