In the Year 3000…In the Year Three Thousaaaaand

Posted: July 9, 2009 in culture, lifestyle, my thoughts, observations / opinions, technology

Mountain Dew, Red Bull, & Amp will form a partership to combine their technologies into one drink….it will be called “OH HELL YEAH I’M TWEAKING BABY!”  It will be a hit.

People will still speculate whether or not Elvis and 2Pac are still alive.

All of Europe will have transitioned into a nudist continent.

Blogging, Facebook, Twitter and the rest will be replaced by ThinkWarp.  You simply think something, in your mind, and your friends will hear it in their ears.

People will think of the A-Bomb, Napalm, and Nuclear Missles the way we think of spears and slingshots…as in, “Wow, I can’t believe people back in the 21st century had such primitive means of battle.  What woosies.”

Braveheart will still stand as the movie to which all other movies are compared to in terms of overall greatness.

Cows, pigs and chickens will no longer need to be raised and killed.  All meat products will be expertly grown in labratory-factories with giant petrie dishes.  All humans will have become lactose intolerant because of 21st and 22nd century steroid enhanced milk, making dairy products obsolete.

Bill Clinton will be looked upon as one of the greatest presidents in our nations history.  George W Bush will still be the butt of presidential jokes.  Barack Obama will have paved the way for future black presidents, hispanic presidents, and eventually a gothic teenage president.

Because of increased fear and crime, Trick or Treat will devolve into “Knock and I’ll Shoot”.  Of course, shoot is such a present day term, as guns won’t exist as we know them in that time.  It will probably be more like, “Knock and I’ll Say Intruder”, at which point the voice activated home protection system will active the magnetic field under the porch (all people will be required to wear lightweight magnetic shoes, enabling law enforcement to stop an individual at any time by activating the magnetic field under the area in which they stand), causing the person to be stuck in that spot.  It will then automatically alert the local law enforcement agency with a detailed report of the both the person (through use of a retinal information scan, or RIS) and the incident.  Police will arrive within seconds through an underground tunnel system (sort of like a hyperspeed roller coaster with protective tubes that you travel in), and take the person in question to jail, where their punishment, which will actually be the uniform punishment system, will be to sit in a room for 48 hours, where they will have nothing but bread and water, and be forced to watch all 12 Seasons of the early 21st century version of ABC’s “Wife Swap”.

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Comments
  1. Meriam says:

    So, Jason, slow day at work?

    I’m starting now on my own personal campaign to save the cheese. That fake stuff is nasty!

    BTW, have you been down Chapman Highway lately? I saw another “Turn or burn” truck only this one had a very gruesome painting of Jesus being crucified. Of course I did not have my camera.

  2. Jason says:

    Haha, not really.

    In fact, I HAVE seen the new Turn or Burn truck – I actually saw it parked on Magnolia Ave about 3 weeks ago…I too did not have my camera at the time.

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