Spiritually Unbalanced

Posted: August 6, 2010 in faith

(Does one post a month qualify as blogging?  It will have to for now.)

It has occurred to me recently that Christian Spirituality (to quote Don Miller) has become more and more difficult for me to flesh out on a daily basis.  By this, I am not referring to things like daily devotions, extended prayer times, and listening to worship music every time I’m in my car.

The greater struggle has been more foundational.  Things like….Taking small moments to remember God throughout the day.  Being a more loving, accepting person.  Desiring to spend time with close friends, being in community.  Looking forward to opportunities to help others.  Intentionally inviting God’s presence into my family’s life.  Remembering the big picture, of who God is and who I am and how I fit in this world.

It feels a lot like I just need my life to slow down, but I’m not at the wheel and can’t make it happen.  Problem is, God isn’t at the wheel half the time either, because I’ve shoved Him in the trunk, thinking we’ll just have to have a talk when the car finally stops for a bit.

I have the occasional “high”, sometimes during worship on a Sunday, or maybe in a random moment with Eli.  But they are temporary, and pass quickly.

It’s been easy to make excuses like “I leave home each day at 7:00am to go to work, and usually don’t get home until 6:00pm (exhausted and stressed), and by the time we have dinner, do some laundry or dishes, get Eli cleaned up and ready for bed, there just isn’t time for anything else, just busy-ness.”

There are times when I wish we lived out in the country somewhere, worked at a bank or office or grocery store in a nearby small town, and could simply get away from the urban sprawl that seems to suck time right out of my life, and sit on a porch with glasses of lemonade and simply enjoy God’s beauty.  It sucks to feel like we have to drive 90 minutes through ridiculous traffic to enter the mountains and enjoy it now.

The thing is, God is here, now, in everyone and everything.  He’s there to meet, to enjoy, to converse, to know.  I just have trouble seeing it, and my vision keeps getting more blurred.  I have expectations about life or friendship or balance or spirituality that come from a selfish place but feel real and justified.  In short, I feel out of balance.

Do Christian bookstores sell tightrope poles?

  1. Carrie P says:

    I struggle with the same reality. Country living sounds really nice sometimes!

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