Archive for the ‘weird’ Category

Dilemma

Posted: September 30, 2010 in weird

Every person – you included – faces many dilemmas over the course of their lives.  What type of person do I want to be?  Who do I marry?  Do I take the job offer that requires me to move to a new city?  My parents are aging…what is my responsibility in helping them?  A long time friendship is failing, what do I do to rekindle it?  When do we start having children, and how many do we have?  How do I begin saving for retirement?

Our dilemmas are shared, but unique.

I’ve been facing one of my greatest dilemmas for the last 16 years.

Hair?  Or no hair?

It began innocently enough my 2nd semester, freshman year of college.  The universal “guy down the hall who knows how to cut hair” agrees to cut my hair.  One bad turn leads to another.  Soon enough, the only logical solution is to shave it down to 1/8″ length.

I’m a little perturbed.  But it’s college, and you do dumb things, and they are funny.  Soon enough, I become used to the shaved look.  I realize how easy it is to wake up 5 minutes before class, throw on some deodorant and clothes and go….no worries about the hair.  I discover that a pair of clippers only costs about $20.00 and will last for a year.  My roommate faithfully buzzes my hair for me every Thursday night, so it always looks freshly cut.

Then I graduate and get a job at a church, and decide it might be more professional to have hair, so I begin to grow it back out.  Then I realize what a hassle it is to have hair, so I shave it again.

Then, a couple of years later, when I begin selling cars….again, I think that most car buying adults would be more comfortable speaking to a person with hair.  So I grow it back out.  Then…I shave it again.

Then I grow it back out again.  Then I meet Erin.  Then we get married.  And I keep the hair going for about 4 years.  She has only known me WITH hair, not without it.  Then in 2007, I suddenly decide to shave it again.  She hates it.  I grow it back out.

August 2009.  Shave it again.  Welcome it back with open arms.

April 2010.  Shave it freshly before heading to Arizona on a work trip.  Proceed to grow it back out upon my return, and have been letting it grow ever since, with only a couple of trims to make sure it grows out nicely.

I’m 34 years old, people.  I need to make a decision here.  It’s one thing to have a short hair cut versus a medium length hair cut….the one where most people say, “Oh, you cut your hair a little shorter this time.”  It’s another thing to have hair.  Then shave it.  Then grow it.  Then shave it.  Then grow it.

The picture on top is from September 2009.  The picture on the bottom is from 15 minutes ago.

Tell me what to do.  (I already know my wife’s vote, which carries significant weight)

PS – the look on my face in the bottom picture has no bearing on my feelings toward hair-vs-no hair.  I took a couple of pictures with a smile, and they looked really fake.  So I did my impression of “The Rock” instead.

Dolly…The Mistress of Chucky

Posted: September 2, 2010 in weird, work

Here at Threds, we are slowly on our way to becoming an online merchandiser for Dollywood apparel and merchandise.  Never in Dollywood’s 25 years have they offered any type of merchandise for online sales.

Of the many odd and hillbilly items to be offered, one of them is a 3 or 4 foot tall doll, apparently crafted to resemble Dolly Parton herself.  In my book, the doll is not quite top-heavy or collagen-ed enough to pass the test, but whatever.

We only have 1 doll in our facility at this moment.  And everyone is scared to look at it, touch it, or even be in the same room with it.  We all think that being near the doll may inspire Chucky himself to come storming (waddling) out of the bathroom with a bloody knife in his hand.  And considering that another Dollywood product is a knife crafted from railroad ties, he wouldn’t have a hard time finding one.

(PS – in honor of the start of football season in Tennessee, I’ve selected a shade of orange for my blog that is not even close to Tennessee orange, but would easily blend in with all the other non-shades of Tennessee orange that can be seen around Knoxville on game days.  People in these parts really love their Tennessee orange….they just don’t seem to agree on what the hell shade Tennessee orange really is.)

bruno vs eminem

Posted: June 1, 2009 in humor, music, tv & movies, weird

Have you seen this yet??

Completely Useless Talent #1

Posted: March 18, 2009 in humor, weird

I have the ability to cross only one eye at a time.

useless-talent-1

Now that I think about it, maybe it’s not completely useless.   Back in my church camp days, when I used to wear glasses more than contacts, I used to convince elementary, jr high, and sr high campers that I wore glasses NOT because of poor vision, but because I had a cross-eyed disease.  I would tell them my glasses has a special corrective lens that helped to keep my “crooked eye” straightened out.

Then…I would demonstrate.  (this was always so funny)  As I would take my glasses off, I would cross my eye.  Then, putting the glasses back on, I would uncross my eye.  I could do it over and over.  What a riot!!  It never failed to work.

permanent

Posted: October 10, 2008 in humor, weird

euphemisms

Posted: September 26, 2008 in culture, observations / opinions, weird

“A euphemism is a substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression in place of one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener; or in the case of doublespeak, to make it less troublesome for the speaker.  It also may be a substitution of a description of something or someone rather than the name, to avoid revealing secret, holy, or sacred names to the uninitiated, or to obscure the identity of the subject of a conversation from potential eavesdroppers. Some euphemisms are intended to be funny.”  (from wikipedia)

Euphemisms for Curse Words:  Shoot, darn, durn, gosh darn, dang, crap, gosh, terd, frick, freak, frack, SOB, SOL, FUBAR, bull, bullcrap, fart, screw it, fudge, crud, poop, bullhockey, jeez, geez, gee whiz, flip, shucks, frag, foo, fooey …. what am I missing?

Other Euphemisms, Random:  special needs, physically challenged, vertically challenged, post traumatic stress disorder, getting to third base, scoring, love gloves, passed away, went to sleep forever, we’re having him put down, sanitation officer, wellness programs, making whoopy, pre-owned vehicles, cutting excess salaries, working class neighborhood, correctional facility, unable to perform in clutch situations, escort service, and being held back a grade.

What are your favorites?  What have I missed?  As a Christian, are the cursing euphemisms acceptable to use, or is it just like cursing anyway, so it doesn’t matter?  Are euphemisms stupid?  Excuse me, I mean are euphemisms less mentally able?  Are they helpful?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

For you betters out there … I give the over/under on the number of seasons before American Idol finally fizzles out at 4.5 season.  Where do you put your money? 

Who is this? 

 

 

When a comedian or performer has an awesome show, someone might tell him, “man, you killed it out there tonight!”  Doesn’t that sound extremely odd and anti-funny?  I mean, if an assassin successfully guns a man down, does a cohort tell him, “dude, you had them laughing so hard out there!” ?? No, because that makes no sense.  Why do we say so many things that make no sense?

Did you know you can occasionally catch re-runs of ALF weeknights on WGN?

Which would you choose?  $1,000,000 in a wire transfer.  Or $3,000,000 in pennies truckloaded to your home and dumped in your yard?

Scrubs might be my all-time-favorite-tv-show-that-I-almost-never-watched.  What’s yours?

Whoooo let the dogs out!?  Woof, woof, woof!

Isn’t the mere fact that the period of time from a presidential election in November to the time the new president actually takes office in January is referred to as the “LAME DUCK” period enough to persuade Congress to possibly revise that procedure?